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^song I have on repeat while writing this
So ayo, I'm actually getting my schoolwork done! I might even finish the online course by the end of the week, very proud. I applied to a bunch of different jobs to, and might be moving in with my grandparents for the summer if i get a job where they live
Its going good, but i still sometimes feel like shit yknow?
Or liek like i need to be doing something and don't know what?? Does that make sense? Like I'll literally be doing something[productive and non productive] and i just get an overwhelming feeling of need to do something and dont know what and its annoying and strange and worrying and scary...
Im trying my best to be positive about getting shit done and hopefully being able to be a functioning adult by the time im 18 in 2 months, but ialso feel so fucking useless cuz i cant drive and i dont have a job and I'm not even fucking graduating this year cuz of a thing that happened in middle school. I know it like, shouldn't be this bad and ppl get through shit liek this and go on to be super fucking successful but i just dont feel like there a purpose for me
Like at all.
I make art but only a small amount of ppl see it, i make videos and only a small amount of ppl see it, i exist and only liek one person is consistently asking how i am
I know i dont interact with ppl and dont talk unless they engage but it sucks, and i want to talk to ppl but when i try i just, i think its anxiety? Idkbut i just cant and its so fucking stupid, cuz it'd be so damn easy to just push send or call them and talk but it isnt and i hate myself for it.
Im doing ok, but im also just a useless pile of flesh who exists for some reason but i dotn fucking know what yet.
and i hate the not knowing.
I hate the churches for saying we're in the end dYs and that what i do will probably not matter in the end cuz hey gues what? Gods a comin and you probably will die in hell anyways before you even reach your twenties haha loser! Now repent your sins and sing stupid repetitive songs!
I hate it, so much and i want to just live and i csnt cuz i just fucking worthless
Heh,
Sucks dude
Yeah, it does but its my life and i guess I'll survive till the world caves in while im sleeping or some shit
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bro, im literally feeling like u rn, so i dont know how to respond other than just saying how similar we are living and that ure not alone. shits hard bro
ReplyGood[technically bad cuz oof] to know at least, that 'm not alone in this shit
Thanks dude
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