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Emotional abuse and beginning steps toward divorce
2 years ago · 4 · emotional abuse, +7 · Explicit
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Things have finally become clear. My husband of over a decade admitted all of his disdain toward me was because of the guilt he felt from the sexual rendezvous he had with a friend 2 years prior. When I asked him to separate myself and our sons home, he began to make ME feel bad; as if I was now the one ripping our family apart. He feigned tears and claimed he’d do everything he could to change. But now, here we are, 8 months still separated and things have only gotten uglier. Now he’s turned his family against me, saying I’ve just been living in his home, draining him of all he’s got and making me out to be the one who’s causing the issues.
I went to see an attorney. She really dug into me about having to find a full time job to get out from under his control and to provide for our son, as this husband has begun to withhold his funds from us. I’ve been a full time stay at home mom with my son (who is also in cancer treatment so he hasn’t been in childcare outside of myself) for 5 years. My dream was to raise him unlike most of society raises their kids; to be a stay at home mom, enroll him in social activities while providing him with his education at home. All of those things are ripped from me: a healthy marriage, an unbroken home for my son, a life in homeschooling. Now I’m on the job hunt for jobs I look entirely unqualified for on my resume, seemingly forced to settle for an unsatisfactory career just to grasp onto some cash that likely won’t even get us by. Now I’m forced to put my child more at risk, while in his cancer treatments, so he can go to preschool publicly while I go to a job I don’t enjoy. All so I can escape my husband who’s cheated, been caught with illegally prescribed pills, and who I’m just now realizing has verbally, mentally and emotionally suppressed me for the past 15 years.
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I am truly sorry for everything you’re going through.
I truly hope to god your on is cancer-free sooner than later.
As for your husband who had the affair… it’s awful. A man who is married for so long to a woman and has children with her should know better.
He made a mistake that deep down he knows he will regret for the remainder of his days.
He is blaming you because he knows he’s the one that is wrong and since he cannot contain that pain, he wants you to feel bad - share the misery if you will.
Know this: you’re stronger, smarter and better in every way than he is.
He is the one who ruined everything. He can twist it all he likes, but even god knows he messed up.
You’re beautiful, amazing, kind-hearted, strong-willed and driven. You will eventually get the hang of having a good job, your son will heal up and you will be known as an amazing woman: independent and successful.
Happy international women’s day. Without women, us men would absolutely be nothing.
Thank you and love you. God bless.
ReplyThank you so much for your kind words.
ReplyI don't think I could say it any better then the prior commenter did. I will just add that change is the only thing we can surely count on. I cant tell you how many times I had things all planned out, only to have it all stripped away. I would then find myself heading into an entirely different direction. What I've learned though, years later of course, is that it was happening for the better whether I realized it or not. We cant always control what is happening, but we can surely control how we respond. I get the sense that you will respond with strength and grace, and before long your husband will be on the outside looking in wishing he still had you by his side. I wish you all the best on your new adventure, and much love and good health to your son!
ReplyTrue words, change is inevitable. And it’s hard now but I think you’re right about years down the road. Thanks for taking time to reply.
Reply