What are you looking for?
Do you believe in Soulmates?
10 months ago · · break up,
Let me tell you a story.
It was at 21. The time of my life where I met my perfect fit, others would call such meeting—fate, where you meet your soulmate. Well, I have met her, she was everything I had ever asked for. However, life is just as weather, it is never constant, in a raindrop, everything was lost. My love thought that our different careers would keep us apart and it would kill her to feel that way everytime she has to leave for work, she has to let me go, she said. At first, I could only feel the unbearable pain, the fear and shake uncontrollably, I could not just accept her reasons, she was… she was me, and losing her is losing a huge part of me. My heart felt pain that I have never felt before, I would love to go see her and hug her but she’s another country away. I could only make me accept what took place, unable to give any fight at all.
Reflections were made after the intense pain and crying, I mean, who wouldn’t cry? When you have met someone whom you would be willing to change all your plans just to be together? Indeed, I was ready to throw away everything but it seems to me that it was a selfish attempt of mine to chase someone I love and stop her from getting rid of her feelings and our relationship. I was foolish, if only I had accepted and recognized that she’s making herself fall out of love to avoid getting hurt, I would have helped her—no matter how painful it will be for me. I would have made things easier for her.
Yet, I struggled a lot. I just really don’t want her to go —I thought. We were just similar. From personality, from our names, our birthdays, the songs and movies we like and the traumatic pain of losing a parent as a teen. She is that only person who understands me and in my life, I have never met someone like that, yet it was just stupid of me to believe that our love would be the same. She loved me first and realized it would be hard to go on loving someone miles away, she told me this, and I could only listen in silent—her heart and mind have made a resolve to leave first… And she’s gone. Gone. My my, sweetheart, I never wanted you to leave, I was willing to leave the comfort of my motherland to struggle with you. These were all the thoughts that filled my mind.
But then again, at least for now, I could only remind myself, that before I loved her as my partner, I loved her as a person, a person with her own dreams and life to accomplish. It pains me to not be in that part of her life, where she would settle down, where I may accompany her to work, where I could take her out on Friday nights for a relaxing drive. But that’s just how it is— I respect that, I have to... Our meeting in this life was not of fate nor destiny, it was the will of the world. Maybe I needed to see someone as similar to me to allow me to grow. The more I believed we are destined, the more it kills me, and I know what is hurting me would hurt her too. Destiny…destiny is just some poet’s way of romanticizing the pains of love when two people could not be together. At least, thats how a shattered heart made me perceive it.
MYH, I am absolutely delighted meeting you in this lifetime, you are the prettiest sunset I could never save in photos but only to my memory. I love you, and I know you feel the same way. No matter what happens, love I will pray for your safety, strength and wisdom everyday even if we’re no longer together. I know you’ve moved on first, but wait for me to catch up. We both like movies where the characters could not be together, never knew it would be the same for us too. Well, life is a series, and I have already played my part in yours. I have to accept, we’re on different sequels now.
And to you reading this, how about you? Do you believe in soulmates too? I didn’t really believe it at first, it is a concept beyond the comprehension of my mortal mind, yet this one I can tell you. My experience shows she’s real, yet again, ending up with one another is another thing. Reader, its time to focus in oursleves now, its the time to receive the insights we gained from getting hurt. This is their gift I believe we have to learn so that our future selves would thank us for it. Fighting! We may lose sight of love in a few years coming, but hey let’s love ourselves first and everything else shall follow.
- i am her immortal bread / roti
- and this is for you my beloved ghost / hantu