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I feel like writing so im just gonna do it here. Just want to say that im gonna vent, because i dont feel confortable talking to people about my problems. TW recent break up, dead relatives, sh and just teen shit. (if someone is actually reading this english is not my 1 language sorry for all the mistakes)
Im in my early teenager years, and im a girl, so im experiencing a lot of shit rn. ok so just a heads up, my mom died when i was 1, my dad left when i was 4 and i have been living whit my grandparents and my older sister.
I have been exploring my sexuality since January 2021, because thats when i stared having a crush on a girl that i have known for 8 years now. I still dont know my sexuality, but im not worried, because im very young, and its not very important to me to label myself, but i do like women and men. But my point is that one person. I am a very shy person when it comes to dating ig, and ig that person was but just for me, because whit other people their more confortable whit assking out and whatever. But what happened was that, in that summer they came out as trans, trans man, pronous are he/him, so thats what i call him. Im gonna call him J. In that summer he posted a story whit a girl from our school, and they were very hum "close" whit each other and they kissed whit a mask tho, in oneof the videos. And i assumed they were together because the girl just had breaked up whit her boyfriend. But when we got back to school i just really didn`t wanted to talk to J, and i think thats reasonable, because even tho we never had a relationship before i was still hurt and wanted to get over him. So i didn`t talk to him for the first month of school. But in october we started talking and eventualy started dating. While we were dating i undertood he had MULTIPLE red flags but like a lot. his friends texted me saying he was cheating and whatever, i chose not to belive. But theres this one girl that got to one of my friends in school and said "wheres J? do you know hes my future boyfriend" so i do HATE that bitch. like fr fr i fucking hate her so much. but last weak he said he wanted to talk yo me via text. i said fine lets talk tomorow, and then he just ignored me for 5 days. bro. thats not ok. and in monday his friend came up to me and said "are you ok? i heard you too broke up" AND THEN I FREAKED OUT. like bitch. warn me first ok. but then J came talk to me nd just said he was confused he didn`d meant to hurt me or anything he just was confused. I was crying my eyes out but said, fine then, come talk to me when you made a decision. So i have been not ok this hole weak, and today is friday. I texted him yeasterday saying i wanted to talk to him. and today a broke up whit him. I just want to say that i dont hate him and i never will ok, im sorry if it looks that way. im just not handling quite well. because of a lot of reasons. I want to say that if you recieve inumerous texts and people calling you out saiyng his cheating, and if you feel insecure like his gonna replace you when he wants, thats not ok, and cery less a healthy relationship. my ex has been hanging out a lot whit that one girl i said i hate. But i think im gonna be fine. my friends are being very supportive so im gonna be fine :)
But i want to talk about my family and about some other thinghs. My dad leaving is one of the worse thinghs that happened to me. He left so he could live whit his gf and two daughters. it hurts so so bad watching him be proud of them, when i know he could never be proud of me because he doesnt knows me. My grandfather as always been my father figure and im so lucky do have him. my grandmother as always tried her best to raise me and im really gratefull.
I know that even tho i dont hav the perfect family im really lucky to have so them.
some issued i have been dealing since december is hum sh, so if anyone is actually reading this i dont want to cause no one to hurt them self so if you strugle to please dont read this and i hope your ok :)
I have been sh since december, my family and friends have no idea about this. but my ex noticed my strage sencibility on my left thy, and told me that once, i was vage and changed the subject. Im not gonna lie, it was nice having someone notice. i instaled multipe apps to help me feel better, and some work so thats good. and i habe never been diagnosed whit anything so if someone is reading, idk if i do have any kinda problem, but when im 18 i will see a therapyst so dw. my family is against those so i cant see one rn, but its fine.
i need to sleep
26/03/2022 01:13 am RV
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