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i know i am selfish for thinking i could have a happy life with you whilst holding onto this lie. The truth is, i want to tell you, and i hate lying to you, and realistically i could’ve done something worse to hurt you, but i know this is still going to break your heart regardless. I could never look at anybody else the way that i look at you, and i could never possibly love anybody the way that i love you. and i am sorry, i am sorry that i am selfish. because when we met, i wasn’t this way. I love you with every bone in my body, and keeping things from you eats at me, i can’t sleep at night, and i can’t be with you without feeling guilty. but i don’t know how to tell you i lied. i don’t know how to tell you that i made a mistake and that i want you to forgive me because i can’t imagine living my life without you because you are my breath of fresh air. i can’t tell you because i don’t want you to get upset or angry or scream, the truth is i don’t want to deal with the consequences and it’s selfish. i know i need to deal with it, but i can’t bear the thought of you hating me.
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