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I need advice, guidance, and help(basically all the same thing)
1 year ago · 4 · Need Advice, +4
438
My father left me when I was really young. In my early years, I was able to ignore it since other things were surrounding/distracting me, but now that I'm getting older, I'm getting so unbearably mad at him. I grieve him even though he is alive. I miss him sometimes, I hate him others days, and love him at times too. But I mostly hate him. Oh gods, how I hate him. I wanna f**king bash his stupid little- sorry. Got carried away. But he is alive, and sometimes he visits(like, once every two or three months) even tho he had never visited me when I was younger. Sometimes I grieve him like he is dead, and sometimes I grieve him as he is alive. How do I get rid of this feeling?
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That’s a tough situation. Mine is similar although my father didn’t physically leave. He just shut himself off (choosing to travel far off for work). So I get what you’re saying about “grieving”.
I can’t say what’s the best way to deal with it, but I ended up detaching myself emotionally from him (and unfortunately from people in general). I suppose I’m repeating the pattern he set. But the huge difference is that I never had kids and never will. That would be horribly selfish for someone who’s not going to invest their life in a child.
So I guess that’s how I got rid of the feeling? I know it’s easier said than done, but whenever you feel a surge of emotion (either sadness or anger) then try telling yourself “he’s not worth the trouble”
ReplyThank you, this really helped actually
ReplyIt's normal to feel everything you're feeling.
There is going to come a point and time where you're going to need to decide what feels comfortable to you. Your father made his choices long ago when he left you. He doesn't get to come in and out of your life. It's damaging to you. You have to set boundaries here. He can either have a relationship with you whatever you believe that should look like or just stay away. Because, honestly the dad train has left the station. He gave that title up. Now, it has to be earned again or walked away from. Unfortunately, you cannot control the choices other people make. Just remember this wasn't your fault. He missed out on you. For his own personal reasons that children cannot control, he left you and it has zero to do with your worth as a person and everything to do with his unresolved issues. You have to protect yourself. This pain is best dealt with with a therapist or on your own somehow. Simply don't let it sit inside forever and don't pass it on to the next generation.
Best of luck to you and yours.
ReplyThank you, this was good advice and ill put it to use
Reply