depression

i never really cared about my depression. i always felt like it was just who i was. and maybe i thought that because i didnt have an understanding of what being you meant. i used to play soccer growing up. and during some time i just stopped wanting to play. i blamed everything but myself. so i stopped playing.

about 5 years later, today, i realized that i had depression. i really believed soccer was just not for me back then. but today when i went back to the fields to watch my cousin play i felt something. i felt the same feeling i had when i used to love playing on the field. it was a rush of excitement and angst. i just wanted to go in and play with them. i wanted to feel like the team could count on me again.

its a shame, really. i used to be told that i had the potential to be one of the best players in high school and college. i was even offered a sort of training by this one guy whos daughter was really good too. depression can make you throw your life away. its a shame i, or anyone else, couldnt notice it.

i’d like to play again. i really do, but i dont think any of the girls in varsity like me. i hope i build up the courage to sign up tho.