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I often think about what it would be like to die, if anyone would notice or care . Why can’t I stop myself from self harm or eating I have sudden urges to eat and eat and eat the only thing that could stop me is guilt but I only feel the guilt after I’ve eaten. My household my parents are strict extremely strict , they argue probably more then they think. Every day all day I’m in my messy room drained and exhausted I don’t go to sleep until around half 6 in the morning and I wake up at around 2 in the afternoon I don’t have the energy to do anything at all other then urges of self harm or eating . Sometimes I start hearing voices like my mhm or someone I know taking to me but it’s not them it’s 2in the morning they are asleep I hear screems sometimes I’ve been hearing these voices from quite a young age. There has been a few times I’ve run away from home the first time when my parents were saying I’m a disgusting human being and other verbally aggressive words they think that’s normal but it hurts me so much but I came back home as I didn’t have anywhere to go. The second time I told my mum I was going to my friends house but really I wanted to run away and get on the train to go and get some peace before I gpt to the train station my mum found me. I don’t want to go to school anymore i refuse and I don’t want to go out anywhere anymore it’s sad I’m only 14 dealing with what some people can’t handle. I’m in a trio one of my other friends says she is depressed too , so I have to act like I’m ok to help her out even though the two other girls in my trio leave me out alot I still make sure she is ok. I feel trapped and isolated and hurt and fragile I feel I can’t talk to anyone. Every night for about two weeks I’ve been so close to ending my life I self harm alot to stop me from doing It I am staying for my mum because I wouldn’t want to loose my child but it’s very tempting.
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