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You know, I thought we’d be good friends for a long time. But it seems I was wrong. Maybe I was just being far too optimistic, kidding myself into thinking we could have ever had a future. But I can only do so much. Beyond the feelings for you that still cling to me like a disease, it hurts that we’re not even friends anymore. You’re happy and you have a wonderful relationship but I don’t understand why that has effected our friendship so much when it was never anything more. I can’t presume to know your mind- but maybe you’re just trying to close a door, to make it easier to forget what we could have had. Or maybe I’m reading into everything too much, that seems the likely happening. Maybe you’re putting all your weight into slamming that door shoot but I keep sticking my foot in to stop you- well, I’m going to stop. I love you, I don’t know myself how deeply I mean that, but at my core I know I do. But It hurts more than words can express knowing that I mean so little in your new world. It’s fine. People move on and feelings change, I don’t fault you for that, but allowing me to cling on to any ounce of friendship you throw my way, instead of speaking your mind and ending this charade- that’s what hurts the most. I do fault you for that. So goodbye, unless you suddenly put any semblance of effort in, which I highly doubt, then I’m done. I have to force myself to forget you, or at least try to. Because living life remembering how we used to be, mourning a fantasy future we likely would never have had, is (to quote a queen) is death by a thousand cuts.
I have to go and let you close the door.
Not that you will ever know. All of this remains inside and I’ll never tell you, not that you care anymore anyway.
But goodbye Liam,
You were an amazing friend while it lasted, If we truly never talk again, I hope you have an amazing life. I truly loved knowing you.
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