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my friend invited me to her prom, i didn’t go to mine so im excited to go to hers! found my perfect dress today, and then my mom kind of knows how to make me feel like shit for it. i sent her a pic bc i didnt feel comfortable with walking out and showing her. and she was like “i don’t really like it.” whatever so i tried on another but this one was the one i wanted. i got dressed got out and was like i want this one. and she’s like “ok but we’ll need to get you form wear.” and it’s been bugging me the whole day. i felt good in it. yeah im a little bigger but i didn’t care because i felt nice. but now i can’t stop thinking about it. we bought form wear, i tried it on again, and i was like okay how do i look now? and she’s all quiet like “you look nice. it looks nice.” and i can just tell she really doesn’t like it and she just doesn’t like the way i look in it. she “randomly” brought up weight loss in the car because i had said something earlier, then i straight up asked if it had anything to do with how i looked in my dress, and she said no and that it was for the both of us but she’s a really bad liar when it comes to that. she makes me feel like im being so crazy and ludicrous about saying that but she knows im not wrong. for me seeing the dress felt like magic, but now i just want to melt into the floor and d!e. it’s dramatic to say that but that’s how i feel right now. i love my mom to pieces but sometimes i can’t stand being al!ve and being around her. i used to love my body. i could look at myself and everything about me just felt right, but now i want more and more to be skinny and skinnier because then maybe i can stop hearing shit about how “we need to cut down on sugar, and stop eating bad.” i never felt bad about my body until today especially.
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