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It’s my birthday today (April 25). My birthdays have not been so great the last few years. Since my wife left me and kept our kids, and since I was homeless I lost my job. Losing my job made me have to move back home with family (1100 miles away from my children). I’ve always been depressed I guess, at least since I was 12. I dealt with it secretly until I was 22 and that’s when I just completely gave up and attempted to drink my life away in a swift moment of stupidity. I got on a Skype call (2015) with some online friends and showed them a fifth of bourbon. Saying something like; dare me to drink the whole thing. Knowing I would get alcohol poisoning. I drank the entire bottle in under five seconds. I very quickly passed out and died shortly after that. My brother found me at my house, unresponsive and called 911. They were able to resuscitate me 3 different times. Calling my tod twice. We’ll get past all that bs (sorry for even talking about it). Fast forward to this year, I’m 29 today. My wife left me in October 2020. The last time I spoke to my daughters was December 25, 2021. I’ve tried reaching out and gotten no replies and it makes me breakdown crying rn just thinking about it again. I’ve sent gifts to them with notes, I’ve tried texting and calling my daughters phone that I bought her but it doesn’t even say delivered anymore. I got a notification today saying that “Find My” was disabled on her phone. Not sure why that happened, but got no reply when I asked. I don’t know why I expected a call or something today from them; but I needed it... I desperately needed the call and I didn’t get it. I just wanted to hear my oldest baby tell me happy birthday and that she still loved me... But that didn’t happen. I uh, I just can’t take it anymore and I truly just don’t want to. I put up a countdown to my death around 65 days ago. Hoping that someone would tell me not to, instead when my family members found out. They just awkwardly ignored it. I know they found out because I showed it to them. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. On the 30th, I’ll have everything in order and ready for me to leave this world. I guess I just wrote this bs out so that I could say I told someone.
https://death.twitchworkshop.xyz/
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hey, don't do this to yourself.
please don't kill yourself.
I love you
ill pray for you every single day.
don't give up, please.
you are important.
ReplyPlease don't. There are people out there who care and who want you to live. They're just not necessarily the people around you right now. I know it's hard to visualise, but life can get better, I swear.
Reply