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May 2 2022
I just woke up from a dream of my father s/a me repeatedly and I would tell my mom and she just wouldn’t believe me saying “oh stop lying he would never do that” (which isn’t surprising of her to say. I’ve heard those worlds coming from my mother so much growing up or the famous “I wasn’t there.” She let my father abuse my sister and I growing up) but something happened one day after getting home from another s/a she was there waiting when I walked through the house and I tried telling her again but she just ignored me and walked to where my abuser was and so I went to my room the walls were thin and I could here the conversation
M: (M/N) told me that you s/a her
F: Now why tf would I do some shit like that that girl is lying and is trying to split up apart…
I couldn’t hear the rest because I broke down crying and shaking I don’t know where my sister was at the time but I just remembered wanting it to all end wanting to die right where I stood. The door bursted open then and that’s where the dream ended I woke up and my throat was swore and dry like I’ve been screaming and right then an old memory surfaced
I remembered someone coming into my room one night my mom was working and my sister was at a sleepover and I had trouble sleeping without my sister so my mom gave me sleeping medicine. Well a few hours later it was still dark out but I was on the end of my bed and I was hurting really bad down there I thought it was the way I was sleeping because I was still fully dressed so I tried to get up but I couldn’t really move that well thats all I remembered I think I was 6 or 7 at the time and being 22 now my memories are a bit foggy
I know dreams can me memories or warnings but I think this one was both. I need to get out of this house and fast.
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Yes, do get out in case he tries it again.
ReplyIs the abuse of your sister known, like verified with her? If that part is real then unfortunately your dream/memory might be real too.
I know it’s really painful but I think you owe it to yourself to verify as many facts as you can, otherwise your mind will be forever conflicted and questioning itself. I’m not a psychologist but I’m sure that leads to all sorts of bad things. So try to remember as many details as you can: where did it happen (the house, the room, the bed) and does that match the facts of where you lived & slept at the time? And definitely compare your memories with the facts about your sister, does everything match up?
Dreams are weird, they can remind us of forgotten traumas or they can sometimes invent new traumas to ‘punish’ us. Both have happened to me. But if you can separate the two then your conscious mind can stay in control. Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through this. And it really sucks that your mom is adding to the mess by antagonising you.
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