What are you looking for?
POV: You have BPD and your FP leaves town Pt. 2
4 months ago · · BPD,
Disclaimer: I’m 23 and female and I have borderline personality disorder. This is to either help people who have BPD or spread awareness so please keep the comments positive!
I only got like 2-3 hours of sleep. Sleeping without her was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. I couldn’t sleep until 5:40-6 in the morning and I woke up at 8. When I woke up I could almost feel her arms around me and it was very disappointing when I came to and realized she wasn’t there. I looked at our pictures and videos and I’m not sure if it made it better or worse. I kept myself from crying up until about 11 but as I’m writing this at 12:07 I’m still crying. Im overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and selfishness. I feel so bad for feeling like this when I know she’s going through some stuff with her family. But I also know that this is part of the disorder as much as I hate it. I just love her so much and with BPD it feels like complete abandonment even though I know she’ll be back in just a few days! 3 more sleeps and I’ll have her home with me!
I miss her so much. I came home from cheer and I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t know why this is so hard. It feels so empty here without her and I just feel lost. I got to text her today though! And that helped quite a bit! But it’s still not the same. I don’t think it’s as bad as yesterday but it’s still very rough. I still feel very guilty and selfish. It also doesn’t help that my “friends” are telling me that im being too dramatic. I understand that it may seem like that but I really can’t control my emotions. Im not intentionally doing this. Trust me I wish i didn’t feel like this. It’s honestly upsetting me even more and making me feel worse because now not only do I not understand myself but they don’t get it either and are saying things that are triggering me even more. The worst part about being self aware is seeing how you look to other people and not being able to stop. I am lucky though because she’s reassuring me and not making me feel bad at all. However, I still don’t know how im going to get through 3 more nights but we’ll see what happens.