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i fucked things up. at least i think i did..
4 months ago · · upset, · Explicit
ok so here's my story.
So i met this guy from poland who lives in ireland right now (and i'm in buffalo NY) in December of 2021(mind you im 14 and he's like a couple of months older than me). We started dating shortly after and we are still dating until now (which is 4 months). on exactly january 18, 2022, i got my phone taken and erased but i'm not going to say what i did because if i did then my post will get taken down. So after that happened im like "well shit what am i gonna do, i don't want to leave bf bf like this". So i decided to use my friends phone every other day (which went pretty well) and we were talking like nothing really ever happened. I told him about the situation with my phone and stuff and he understood and still talked to me which i was really proud about. So skip to march, me and him were still together and my mom finally thought about giving me my phone back. So I emailed him bc i just got his email and emailed him about how my mom thought about giving my phone back and he was so excited. so on march 31, 2022 i officially got my phone back and i wanted to surprise him by saying i got my phone back and he was so happy and said how he loved me and all, it was cute. Until like- april 5 my mom finally saw me n his messages. she never knew about him because she was so strict on me that i couldn't be allowed to date guys so, that's why i online date which is bad I know. So she beat the living hell out of me, she hit me so hard that My nose was bleeding for A WHOLE HOUR. But skip to friday me and my mom were going out of town so she gave me my phone back which i thought was weird, but when i went back to check my insta, my mother blocked him. I was so pissed so i asked my friend if she could text him and tell him that my mother blocked him and that i'm sorry and that i missed him and i love him, and she said he missed me too and loves me too. So i was happy, but upset at the same time. So yesterday (may 3rd,2022) I asked my guy friend if he could text him that i got it taken away and that i love him, and so he replies with "are you gonna get it back" and i texted " i don't know but just know i love you " and he said "alright". Like- so no i love you too?? it ticked me off a lot because he never replies with a simple bland "alright". It got me so fucking worried , so worried that i asked him "do you still like me?" and he leaves me on read. Like bro what? Why you leaving me on read, I just asked you a question. So i send him a little paragraph saying " Lmao so your just gonna leave me on read like that? ok lol, just know that it's your choice if you want to leave, your just gonna throw away four months like that? ok, whatever. By the way once i did get my phone back then i was gonna make a fake account just to talk to you bc my crazy ass mother blocked you. So let me ask you again, do you want to continue being with me or no?" and he left me on read. as i'm writing this right now , im bawling my eyes out because i gave him everything and he's just gonna throw it away like that. wow. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. should i leave him or what? it's hard for me to leave someone and it's hard for me to let go and get over them too.