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8 months ago · · Depression stress ,
I guess I thought writing this would be easier since I know exactly what emotions I'm feeling but now that I'm typing this it's harder to express myself. I feel alone on this earth. It's sad because most of the time I just want to end things and the only reason I don't is because I have hope that things will change. Nothing changes though and everytime I find myself in this dark place again it just makes it worse. How many times do I have to feel this way until I am better or worse? Why do I even have to go through all this mental and emotional pain? How bad or worthless of a person am I to constantly be feeling this down... I feel so worthless. I can literally scream out "help me! I am on the verge of killing myself" and it won't matter. I know it because I express those emotions already. I express I need help and love and it doesn't change anything. It's like the world does not care. I'm so tired that the tears won't even come anymore. I'm so tired that I don't have it in me to argue anymore. I'm drained of being tired. I'm drained of trying. Maybe it is time for me to give up the idea that anything will change in my life and not just the people around me but that I'm never changing, never feeling better. Me writing this isn't even close to how I feel or going through. I just for once want to be heard and appreciate it. I just want to be held and told that I matter and things will be alright. Even if my own actions aren't right, I want to be told how eventually I will be great and happy.