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Im the only daughter in my family. I have two elder brothers. When I was 9 years old, my Mum went to work at another state. So my father took care of us alone for awhile. I loved my father and look up to him until he start something that affect me enormously.
He didn’t touch me but when no one is around he tend to masturbate when I’m in the house alone with him. For example, when I’m watching TV in the hall after school , he will be sitting somewhere I can see him and whip out his dick and start masturbating and he hide it so well when my brother is around. I never knew what it was exactly then but it was really disturbing and affected me emotionally. He have been doing this everytime I’m home alone with him. I try telling my Mum on the phone. All I knew I was crying a lot because I was so stressed living with him like that. I was too young to explain properly to my brothers. I felt alone and abused. My Dad have been doing this only to me. I was so confused why he is doing this to me and grew up hating him. I miss the father I once loved. But I know what he was doing is wrong. I suffered silently all those years. There was one time he told me to massage his body and grabbed my arm and put it on his dick. Then another one was he was naked in the washroom and told me to massage his shoulder while he was facing the other side and masturbating. I was a young girl. I’m his own daughter and yet he did this to me. He openly masturbate whenever I’m around until I’m 23. I’m fucking 23 and he never changed. I hated him so much for treating me like shit for giving me all this trauma. I don’t understand because he do take care of us and give us education but gave me this huge trauma. I was too afraid to tell my brothers again because it’s gonna destroy the family or they wouldn’t believe me. For the sake of the family, I kept my mouth shut. Only my Mum believed me. One day she caught him doing that and they had arguments. But he never changed. Because of all this hatred built since I was young, I didn’t treat him properly when he got older and sick because he didn’t change even then. Deep in my heart I did care for him but at the same time I hated the fact he did this to me. One day he passed away due to heart attack. I cried that I lose my Dad. But this trauma stick to me until now. I made peace with him but now I’m 30 but I’m still crying every now and then thinking why my Dad did what he did. I grew up with so much stress because of what he did. I don’t think I’m healed until now. I wish I can erase these memories. He supposed to be my hero… why me, what I did. I was his own daughter..
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First of all, I'm really sorry for what you've been through all this years without telling someone and suffering In silence...I can't even imagine how traumatizing this must have been for you as a child and later on as an adult knowing what he was doing.
I don't think this is something you can overcome yourself, maybe it would be better if you tell someone from your familiy that you still struggle with those flashbacks so they can maybe help you further and maybe seek for professional assistance. Sometimes it may be difficult to start, but it can help you to overcome the trauma...
Wishing you the best and stay healthy!
ReplyHey, thank you for reading my long post. I appreciate you took you time to read it. Thank you for your advise and kind words. I felt heard :’) Hope you have a lovely day! I will try to seek help. I really want to heal from all this pain..
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