What are you looking for?
1 month ago · · life
And I'm waking up for work. And you were the first thing that came to mind. I'll give the excuse that it was because I was going through pictures yesterday, trying to find ones of all my nursing buddies and I happened across the few pictures I have of you.
And here I am smiling at a memory of my old stuffed animal cow shoved inside a toy jeep. How is it that you can wound my heart so deeply and still make me smile? How is it that you have shown me how little you care about me and I'm still thinking about you at all?
I try to condition myself to forget this. To let it go and then it sneak attacks my heart and then I'm laying here not sleeping and feeling miserable.
I don't want to miss you anymore. I don't want to keep that tiny hope alive that you'll suddenly come to your senses. You won't. I need to come to mine. I shouldn't even WANT you in my life anymore...for how little you cared about me.
But even if I destroy all the things that remind me of you ( and honestly....that's a lot) you will still be there, living in my headspace because I just can't seem to move you out.