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tw: self harm
yesterday i came clean to my mother that i had relapsed and started cutting again and when she found out her heart broke and her face looked absolutely disheartened however our conversation was interrupted and i thought she would come to me to finish the conversation and try and find out what’s troubling me. However she hasn’t brought it up and it feels as if we just pretended that conversation never happened. it’s been 48 hours now, i understand it’s extremely hard for her to hear this but it was even harder for me to tell her and i didn’t get any response back or even just a “what’s going on in ur head?” and it just really broke my heart and i know she doesn’t have any bad intent but i really tried. This is the second time she found out about my harming and the first time she never asked what was wrong either and i thought it was just inexperience but this happened the second time as well and it just hurt me so much. she didn’t even ask if i’m ok and she hasn’t touched the topic at all but not talking about it is only going to put me in a bigger mess.
after this i cannot tell anyone else about this because it would hurt them sm more hearing about this and it would break their hearts so i would be hurting myself and my friends/family. i swear i tried i did so well i was happy again but i’m falling into a deep dark place that i was once in and i really didn’t want to relapse, but i have. it was so hard getting out of there the first time. idk if i can do it again. im trying honestly but idk how much more i can take. i did try n reach out to others and my friends understand that my ghosting phases usually mean i’m going thru something but today they said “wtf happened this time” and it just feels that their sick of me and annoyed by my phases. just cuz i’m drowning i don’t want them to have to drown in my sorrows with me so i really can’t tell them and i’m have no access to therapy without going through my parents but idk if i consider that an option anymore because of the lack of communication.
please help and respond
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Bring it up with your mum, ask her if you can both sit down and talk about what's troubling you. She might be waiting for you to go to her, as much as your waiting for her. Some form of counselling might be beneficial to you, as you said your weary because of your lack of communication, but even if you don't explain to you mum fully, just ask if that's a route she'll help support you through going down
ReplyYou don't have to go to your parents for help if you don't feel comfortable with it. There is a phone number you can call to talk to someone.(1-800-273-8255) and a number you can text to talk to someone. (741741) you can also talk to me (307-253-8810) I hope you get better. I am going through the same thing except I can't tell my mom. She won't listen to me. I also have cut myself and I know that it isn't easy. Please get better soon.
ReplyIf your friends acted like that, they are not good people. Real friends are supportive and want to know why are you feeling down. And telling them about your self harm would not hurt them, like, directly. They would be sad ofc but only because you're hurting yourself and they don't want you to do that, cos' they care about you. But believe me, telling them about it is way less hurtful than hiding it until they accidentaly find out.
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