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i don't know if this is the right place for this, i feel guilty unloading to strangers but at the same time I'd like to someone to know how I feel. I don't even want a response or anything - just knowing it's out there for someone to read is comforting.
I'm so anxious, i want to die. I want to die but at the same time i feel like me dying would be such a waste because there's so much i want to do. I'm so frustrated with myself, in the back of my mind there's this nagging feeling that I'll ... myself - so I've wasted so much of my fucking time, I've made no effort for my schoolwork and my final exams are in less than a week. Two years i've spent escaping my thoughts and doing fuck all. Looking back at what unproductive, unworthy, waste of space i've been is just amplifying this ugly feeling. I hate myself. It's too late to do anything now. There's no point in telling people i feel like this though, I'm not actually gonna do it and it'll just make things worse than they already are. I'll just be a burden.
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