Help

Irdk y I always sad and depressed without good reason I wasnt like this I dont wanna be like this I feel lazy I dont wanna live sometimes I dont feel happy for happy things happen sorry for grammar Ive tried a lot a lot a lot but nothing end up again with the same fucking problem Im tired of my self idk who am I I dont know how to deal with life and people I feel strange and super sad my heart is heavy I tried everything and I think its him I wonder if i had him I would be happy again but my brain and experience say no of course I feel empty no goals to be clear again I get sad suddenly idk the reason and it ruin my day and relations and cant do useful things cant be normal and be happy even when I beautiful things happen I dont feel anything Ive changed and I know thats not good I try to cheer up with many things by sweets talk to a friend or write here change routine do something new etc but still returning to the same point after minutes and I have negative family to make it worse I wasnt like this thats makes me mad as fuck like I knoww it I understand with my brain but idkk ugh Ive got tired of all of this I wanna slap my self and be happy but it doesnt work I feel like I dont have energy for anything and life not interesting