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Mental illness. On top of other crap it seems like my family is riddled with it. Drug and alcohol addiction as well. But I can't control my genes but I can myself in ways. My dad's side is hot tempered. My mom's side is idk strange keep to themselves type people only if they like you will they talk to you. My cousin whom we spent many times together hanging out wouldn't speak at my grandma's funeral. I had alot of respect for them until that happened. I've only heard from from like 3 total out of alot of cousins I have. Family split when grandma passed. Both sides of my family are funny turned. I don't understand it. I used to feel I belonged until mom did my grandma wrong then she acted like she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I specifically visited her before she had issues and I knew about what mom n dad did to her. She got up and walked out leaving me sitting in her house. I was like wtf. Like her anger about what they did she didn't like me for. I drove 500 plus miles to see her not just her but do other stuff too. My uncle and cousin were there too just talking about going fishing. I felt like so out of place. I followed her out on the porch. Stayed not too long then left feeling unwelcome. That's why I was numb at her funeral. I didn't wrong her mom and dad did stealing her check's. She shouldn't took it out on me. Even though she told me she loved me before she passed didn't make up for that. Anyway I wish my fam was more caring. Not distant. Yes I have alot of trauma. End for now.
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