What are you looking for?
1 month ago · · life
I had a dream about you. This is significant in the fact that I haven't seen you or talked to you in 5 months and more so because I rarely dream or remember dreams anymore.
It wasn't much of anything. It was weird really. It was a summer day and I was curled up on my couch with a blanket. You had called earlier and said you were coming over. And you just walked in the door without knocking or announcing yourself as if you did this all the time. You didn't look like you in the dream...but it was you. And you looked at me and said, "You picked the worst possible day for this." And I looked at you, somewhat confused, and curled deeper in on myself. I said nothing.
That was it. I think I half woke up realizing it was weird that I was dreaming. Then I fell back asleep again.
And I had another dream. I was at my house (though it didn't look like my house, I just felt that it was), looking over all the various projects I needed to do to fix it up. I was on a kind of back porch, looking at plants starting to come up in a flower box on the porch. My brother was standing next to me and I pointed to one of the plants and asked "Hey, is that milkweed?" I was excited because milkweed attracts butterflies. My brother looks at it and says, "Yeah, but look at it. Something is killing off butterflies." And when I looked at the milkweed again, there were monarch butterflies of all different sizes that looked as if they had been frozen to the milkweed pods.
It made me sad and I started to turn away when a flash of yellow and orange shot into sight and landed on the railing next to me. At first I thought it was a finch or canary but then I realized it was a lovebird. And I quietly told my brother not to move or he might scare the bird. I looked at the little bird and he looked back at me. It seemed like he recognized that I wouldn't hurt him. And as I started to reach out for him, I woke up.
I don't know what any of it means. Maybe it means nothing at all. Just scraps of images and thought my brain
decided to string together into these vignettes... I've been doing yardwork, trying to get my garden planted. I have a lovebird who is somewhat old. I still think about you every damn day, still miss you...even when I'm convinced that you were nothing but a bad choice and that you never cared about me at all.
Just fragments of my life. Leaking out of my head through my eyes. Pooling all around me, and soaking my pillowcase.