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My thoughts recently
1 year ago · 0 · Explicit
56
Suicide has been on my mind for some time now, recently the thought and idea of it has been on my mind everyday. It doesn’t scare me, what scares me is having to continue this way with how my mind has been recently. All my thoughts are too much, all the stuff that comes to my head like it’s too much to handle alone. But the people in my life don’t understand, the thing that takes over sometimes is hard to deal with. The thing Im referring to is just something that takes over me sometimes where it feels like I’m someone else or like someone or something has taken over my body. Then another idea is that my brain and soul are aware of each other. It sounds different to others ik because I’ve told people in my life and they don’t understand and call me crazy. For months it’s been like this, and has gotten worse I feel but there isn’t much I can do atm because my mom is busy and my next doctors appointment is in a month so a week or two after I turn 18. It feels though that maybe I won’t make it till then and again it doesn’t scare me. Even the thought myself dying and not seeing my family or friends again doesn’t so much scare because recently it’s been hard to recognize them from how I knew. Now they just seem like strangers or people I once knew, even the family I’m around all the time. It just feels like I don’t know this world or belong here in this world anymore. Even looking in the mirror, I see the reflection back and it feels unrecognizable at times well a lot of the time really. Even in daily life, I still smile or laugh but a lot of the time it’s just me in my head and trying to make it seem that I’m fine so people don’t catch on to the fact I’m not okay. All I know now is that this world is unrecognizable and so are the other components in life. Living like this is getting harder and harder to do, all the paranoia everyday. There is more to all this, but that’s why I just want to end it this, even in this world in general there is so many people, that my death would not matter to anyone. Even my family, idk how they would be hurt or sad that I’d be gone because I barely recognize them sometimes as shitty as that sounds it’s true. Like every other component in my life, everything is unrecognizable. So I don’t belong here anymore and have accepted it, it will be okay.
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