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For the past few months I have had a pretty stressful time at school due to my finals and I have been setting aside almost all my thoughts and haven’t spent time in just thinking or going deeper as to why I feel depressed and anxious all the time. I have been instead working as much as I can and hanging out with people, activities that would otherwise drain me completely, but I have not been getting tired by doing stuff constantly. Now I don’t have anything on my plate, most people I know don’t want to go anywhere and this scares me since I don’t want to be with my thoughts. I have found that I don’t know who I am anymore, i have filled my life with school and work and literally have no idea what I will do. I have lost almost all my interests and feel lost. I have no idea what I’ll do now that I don’t have school which for the last 3 years has preoccupied my thoughts completely. I am scared now that I don’t have an outlet to distract me, I’m not sure what will happen. I feel like my depression is going to get unbearable. I have had growing self hatred as the stress has eased and found myself wishing to fall asleep and never wake up more and more often. sorry this feels very disorganised, I am just failing to understand how suddenly I require constant activity that no one else seems to have motivation for, despite me usually being the one who gets exhausted the easiest. My mind seems to be so disconnected that I don’t even understand what I’m saying right now. If anyone can give a perspective or tell own experiences I would be very greatful.
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It's funny because like 1 year ago i went through the exact same thing i would wake up depressed with a headache and i would wear a mask and randomly cry throughout the school day and i would have like mini panick attacks. But i don't really know what made it better for me but because i had no one to motivate me or help me i would think of God and the fact that i wasn't brought into life for no reason even though some people make me feel like that. And i guess i got so used to the feeling that it just became a part of me now and because it was even harder cause i had no one to turn to and ask for help. but i have like tried to put the depressive stage away and sometimes i might feel depressed but not as much as it used to be
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