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It hurts.
Everything hurts.
I'm scared but i want it to stop.
There's so much pain inside of me.
So much unresolved trauma that i haven't dealt with and its tiring to cry every single night.
What's stopping me from ending things?
My goals?
My dreams?
The people that I love?
I guess they would be angry at me for leaving. I always wondered how they would react to my death. What will my funeral be like?
I'm slowly drowning and nobody can save me. When I'm on my way to work i feel completely aware of my surroundings. Its almost like everything around me isn't real, like it's a dream and i don't know when I'm going to wake up. But then reality kicks in.
This is real and i am the only one in control of my life. Is it selfish to say that i hate everyone? Because i don't think anyone understands me. Ha the only person that knows me the best is myself. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. A lot of people deal with depression, anxiety, mental illness etc.
But the thing is, i no longer can take this lingering feeling. Intrusive of thoughts about suicide on a loop. It's better off for people not to know these things but they all will eventually.
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