Dont really know how

I always knew rape was scary

I don't know that I really knew how.

Yes I wake up with the night terror where I'm still there, or never left at all

But I always been a fan of writing stories. Writing MY life as if it were a story. Even through my breaks and and falls had MY handwriting all over the page. I could tell in the moment that my actions... my life were writing a beautiful story.

Then I lost myself slowly, time after time of loosing my body I guess at one point I lost it. Where suddley I was removed, an author, or oblivious ,a charecter... and since you and you I can never be both.

So from then on any one met me only got half of me. And anyone who knew me lost half of both. And I think the part that's scary is that this many years later and I still don't know how.

How to forgive

How to sleep

How to relax

How to fall in love or fall at all

How to erase the back story that I didn't write

How to write a story that's worth being the main charecter again