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Fanfiction is my guilty pleasure. I used to be an avid Wattpad user when I was about 14-16 and then got bored of it. I picked it up again once covid started. I think lockdown made me especially lonely (and mentally ill lmao) and I needed escapism. I got really obsessed with this one YouTuber (so obsessed it was unhealthy) and would literally spend my days imagining being his girlfriend... even though he's too old for me... it's so embarrassing. Anyway I would read fanfic about him a lot.
Recently I became obsessed with another Internet personality (this one WAY too old for me) and I'm trying to keep it under control. Again, I think it's mainly escapism and loneliness. I've been reading fanfiction about him almost every night before I sleep and then when I'm laying in bed in the morning.
I feel kind of guilty and gross for reading fanfic about real people. I know that if I was the person being written about, I would be so uncomfortable with it. Having people write me into sexual scenarios and get off to it would make me feel sick. Still, I can't stop myself from reading it. I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should try to just read some normal romance novels? Get into some sexy fiction with characters that aren't real? could be good for me, maybe
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