Be loved.

I’ve always wanted to be loved THE right way. I have a boyfriend right now. I thought this is something better that my last (i was cheated on) but I think this is more mentally and emotionally draining. I have to be the one lowering my pride to avoid escalating the fights, all these little things that add up, him without feeling sorry, gaslighter, manipulates my feelings and all that. I know that I know better. I just don’t know why I cant let go. Im exhausted. It’s like Im waiting for him to commit a HUGE mistake just so I have a BIG reason to end it with him. Sometimes i wish he’ll cheat on me so that I can escape from him. Idk. But i’ve always wanted to have the kind of love where i feel safe, loved unconditionally, kind, love that doesn’t make me feel insecure.