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It's almost an year since this happened. A friend , who was my family , made brutally fun of all my serious insecurities . And then we just seperated our paths. His words still send shivers down my spine . Because of his words , i felt like i am just a good for nothing person . I was silently crying for days . I don't know if it was depression or not , it's just that i was hella upset . And till now , sometimes i'm reminded of him out of nowhere , his words start ringing in my head , and yet again tears well up in my eyes .
I'm now scared of sharing my feelings with anyone , it's really hard for me to trust anyone , with whom i can share everything. Those insecurities building up inside of me are harming me a lot more than when i used to be bullied. Whatever he said is still crystal clear in my memory , i am afraid .
It's true i am afraid , that no one likes me the way i am , maybe those who bullied me and made fun of me were speaking the truth , and maybe who didn't hurt me are just hesitating to spit out the truth .
I feel like i can never be loved , i am someone who is not worthy and does not deserve love .
I don't why such thoughts are lingering in my mind today . This doesn't happen everyday , but it happens frequently , i don't know what triggers me to think about the past again and again .
I want to know will i ever be ok . Am i just upset or am i traumatized ? Do i need to seek help ?
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PS : Is it PTSD ?
ReplyWhy do you care so much what this person thinks? Everyone deserves love and can be loved.
ReplyIt's not PTSD. You're not traumatised. You will be okay.
You could go to counselling, having someone to talk this all through with could be helpful. Anxiety is common but you can overcome it, you just need to take steps to improving your life, leave the people who make you anxious and work on yourself. It's normal to think about past events and stuff. What personally helped me with this kinda thing was meditation and mindfulness.
If you're under 25, your brain isn't even fully developed yet so don't think you're never going to be able to overcome it. And if you're older than that then you just need to change the way you're approaching it.
The only things you can control is your thoughts, your words and your actions. Don't even try to control anything else. You can't change people or past situations. You must grow stronger and work on yourself.
Good luck.
ReplyI personally think everyone could use counseling. I think you will move past this, with time. Someone you loved betrayed you and that’s a hard truth to live with. People are flawed. All of us are. But we all still deserve love and happiness. Opening yourself up to receive yours can be hard after what you’ve experienced, but just remember that what happened wasn’t a result of your flaws, it was a result of his flaws.
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