What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I've always felt lost but it wasn't as worse as now. It is like an unfinished puzzle , but i'm just a piece instead of a half puzzle, i wonder if there's a world for people like me. Everything around me seems strange, nothing in place , and nothing makes sense. Even home doesn't feel like home anymore, my family changed a lot and each one got their lives while i'm the one standing still. Is it because my every move is judged? or am i just scared of living after being dead for a long time? I lost my father in 2018 due to a heart attack but it felt like suicide more than a heart attack, his doctor warned him to not smoke but he did it anyway. He left us with nothing but pain and debts. I know a lot of people who lost their fathers but at least they got something. He was a bad father, strict and fake. He barely smiled but whenever he met someone he would smile as if he was an angel. People who came to his funeral knew nothing about him, nor did they care. He needed help and he never got it so instead he made our lives worse. Whenever he got angry he would tell me to quit school. Sometimes i would sit and do nothing yet he would get mad at me and take my stuff. I think he hated me and i hated him too. In 2018, i had my high school diploma and thought Ah! Finally i'm leaving this hellish place, but no of course he found a way to make me stay. I always did whatever he wanted just to break free from him , like a prisoner. When he made me stay i remember i stopped trying , i stopped dreaming and i stopped living. I tried several times to kill myself until he died instead. I felt a huge relief when he passed away but at the same time empty, then i thought '' the damage was already done''. Still i didn't give up i tried to break free from all the things he sentenced me to, only to find myself in desert and that's when it started. I'm writing this in 2022, as you know a lot of things happened in 2020 which only made things worst.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
No future owning a home and starting family.
Before Covid and inflation, I was planning to buy a home and start a family. Now. it is out of my reach and not happening. I can not find a career or job that i...
-
missing piece
what's it like losing your dog well let me tell you its as if you were to almost complete a puzzle but are missing one last piece now its only one piece bu...
I'm sorry you lost your father. I'm sorry you never understood him. I do believe things happen for a reason. I think now you should start living. Doing things you want to do in life. Make your old dreams come true.
Reply