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I have so much hatred right now for my life.
My mother had my sister at 16 me at 17 and then 4 more kids after that. She’s never been emotionally available or affectionate.
My father was a slut so of course their marriage didn’t last. All of the affection my siblings and I needed came from dad. But the downside to him was that he was a heavy drinker/ partier. So his home didn’t feel as stable.
I’ve been told that from birth I’ve been “weird.” Never went to any adult other that my parents (mainly dad). Was also labeled the “fatheaded” kid (large forehead).
School was always tough. If I was outspoken I was seen as weird. If I suppressed my actual self I was seen as quiet and shy. Also weird.
I was born 2nd of 3 in my moms first batch of children close in age, so I consider myself to be a middle child.
Never chosen or preferred. Always seen in a negative light or not seen at all.
Cutting to the chase: I hate myself. For allowing peoples negative words about me become real to me. Today it’s harder to quiet those voices and find my own.
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Why hate yourself for your parents' actions (when they were teenagers trying to raise 2 kids), or for what other people have said to you (people you don't even like)?
You know you're giving those negative comments too much power over you. Be a friend to yourself, and suspend judgement. Just concentrate on being and doing your best. Haters gonna hate - What does living your best life look like?
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