What are you looking for?
1 month ago · · Need Advice, · Explicit
i have adhd for those who have and can relate well i tend to jump from hobby to hobby and what not. when i left high school and jumped to college i didn't know what i was going to do. i decided to go for physics since I've always loved it. turns out i hated it after 2 years of that and almost committing suicide twice after receiving bad grades i opted to leave. i then headed to a school to be a mechanic since i know way too much about cars. hated the type of people who are into cars so i opted to leave after a month. so now I'm studying to be a software engineer and honestly i like it. its been about 2 years but still the reason i decided to pursue it was because i didn't want to be the fucking idiot of the family and the one who couldn't stuck to his studies and get s degree because he is a dumbass. after being medicated for adhd i can actually hold onto information and remembering what is being said in class so I'm happy about that. but still i dont give a flying damn about any of that im just trying to please people or more like im just trying to set myself as an individual who accomplished something because i feel so fucking useless and as a waste of space. ive always loved art and im good at it ive always been an artist since a kid. i only started taking it seriously when i started pursuing the software engineering degree and i have gotten so good at it from that point on that i honestly feel sad. i absolutely love drawing and i do it everyday and honestly i love it so much i draw every single day. when compare to programming which i know it takes time and sacrifice to master i feel sad because i truly love drawing and i am putting so much emphasis on it instead of programming which is the thing that will gain me money in the future (my grades are good). i wanna be an artist i wanna travel and draw but i cant since i dont have the money im a diabetic therefore procuring my medication is difficult and expensive since i dont have any money i cant buy food or a place to stay and i cant just travel around since my job ties me down. i just wanna draw and be at peace traveling around. so im just so mad right now and so saddened at the same time. idk what my future holds. but im just not happy.