My Unsent Letter to my ex

Dear (my ex, who for privacy purposes we will call Caleb),

I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did. You completely broke my trust. You told me that you loved me, and then used me for a quick summer hookup. You told me you saw a future with me, and convinced me to see one too. I was so in love with you. We were best friends for two years before you even did that. I hate to admit it, but despite a year passing I still think about you every day. Part of me wants to think that I could never get back together with you Caleb. But another part me knows deep down that if you came to me tomorrow morning and told me you still loved me, I would fly into your arms. I will always love you and that's what hurts the most. Knowing what someone can put me through, and yet I still cannot hate them, is what makes me the angriest. I heard from our mutual friend that you still talk about me. More than you need to. Your mom still follows me and comments about how gorgeous I am every chance she gets. Your little brother still follows me, but he's never on Instagram. Actually, that's a lie, after I blocked you on everything I noticed your little brother suddenly watching all of my stories. Our relationship wasn't terrible, it wasn't toxic. Deep down I know that you truly loved me and I truly loved (and unfortunately still love) you. So when I see your mother's comments, or that you're probably checking in on me disguised under your brother's username... I get hopeful and excited. I know you don't necessarily speak fondly of me to others, and at first that made me feel upset with you (because let's face it, Caleb, I did absolutely nothing to you, I was the victim at the end of our relationship and I say that with full humility. I wish I was mean, I wish I wasn't as soft as I was. The fact that I was such a pushover is what lead to everything). But anyways, despite you speaking poorly about me to others, I realized I do the same. And I know how I feel. I want to be with you more than anything. So I don't fucking know what to think. I'm trying to move on and that's all that matters.

I hope you're doing well.

I hope we see each other again someday,

love,

me.