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today I was with my boyfriend and we were kissing and it was fine but then he started putting his hands up my skirt and I got really uncomfortable so I kind of panicked and froze and he noticed and asked whats wrong but I could barely answer him because it was like I was paralyzed and couldnt look up at him and I was trying SO hard not to cry but I couldnt stop my tears and I feel really embarrassed about it now even when I'm only thinking about it
(Sorry If my english is not perfect)
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if you are not comfortable say him. There is no point to hide your feeling with your partner. There should be no gap between you and him. Apart from this did you like that moment (if yes) its okay to felt uncomfortable for the very first time.
ReplyI can relate, happened similar incident to me.
ReplyYou are too young and inexperienced for this type of thing but this is what guys do. He should have only kissed you and for him to put his hands up your skirt shows he has no respect for you. It is up to you if you want to stay with him and if you do you should explain to him how uncomfortable he has made you feel.
ReplyHey I can relate to ... we all have our boundaries and it is nothing wrong... if you are uncomfortable make him know that and then you both should move things forward at a pace where you both are comfortable and you should definitely have a conversation with him about this ... that's how you can make things work , Don't expect for him to predict how you are feeling so just talk how you felt clearly with him and you should be good after that .. I am pretty sure he'll try to understand💜
ReplyI'm sorry you felt panicked in that moment - it's very difficult to be put on the spot and not be able to get the words out to make the situation ok again.
I'm not embarrassed for you - you were suddenly in a situation you didn't know how to handle, and you experienced a strong fearful response. I've had a similar reaction in certain situations. It's totally understandable.
After your boyfriend noticed you had frozen up, and asked you what was wrong, did he take his hand away and comfort you in a way that made you feel safe and respected? If so, then that's a good sign that he will be open to a conversation about Consent.
Perhaps when you are both feeling calm, you could try talking to him about how you felt when you froze up - specifically that what he was doing with his hand made you uncomfortable. If he's a good partner to you, he would want to know what to do to make you feel safe and comfortable when he's with you.
If you're not feeling confident about how to talk about consent, there are many resources out there - I recommend this article from Scarleteen to get a good sense of what it means, and how you might talk about it: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/disability_quickies/quickies_sexual_consent_basics
I hope that talking about it will allow you both to work some things out - remove some uncertainty about how you want to approach intimate moments like this - and avoid situations where one of you is panicked. You're allowed to choose a pace that suits you, and move things on only when you both feel good and ready.
ReplyIt's okay that you feel uncomfortable and it's obvious. He should understand this, he shouldn't touch you without your permission ,after you got uncomfortable and if still he does not understand; then leave him because he doesn't know about what consent means !!
It's not necessary that gf/ bf share their bodies.
Replyplease talk to him about it. have a serious Conversation and set boundries. say what u are comfortable with and what u arent comfortable with. if he doesn't respect ur boundries, hes not worth messing with.
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