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I've been chatting with someone on Reddit for the past three months. During this time, we've discovered we have much in common. We're both women who are into other women. We also live in the same city and like a lot of the same movies, shows, authors, etc. In fact, we share so many interests that I'm tempted to describe her as potentially being the perfect match for me.
There's only one problem. I'm thirty-one. And she's eighteen.
She's definitely interested in me as a potential dating partner. In a DM I received from her last night, she said as much and suggested we get together for lunch or dinner sometime.
I haven't replied yet because I'm completely torn. On the one hand, part of me wants to meet her, despite our age difference. On the other hand, another part of me feels like a colossal perv for even considering it. She may be legal, but that doesn't necessarily make this right, right? I don't want this to potentially lead to something where, some day, she may feel like I took advantage of her or something.
Should I respond and say yes? Is it better for both of us if I leave this alone? I need to make a decision here, so I hope someone can help advise me.
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I'm a senior in highschool (girl) dating a sophomore (boy). Is that too big of an age game. We are less than a year and a half apart in age but idkkkkkk...
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ill never get a connection like that with another person again.
i dated a guy who was 17 while i was 13, and it was the best time of my life. he was so kind and funny. we mutually broke up 3 months later because i realized t...
If your relationship is founded on solid compatibilities (not just physical), and if she seems mature enough to understand matters of the heart then I would say age doesn't matter. Those are 2 criteria that only you & she can know, but it sounds to me like you're ok in that department.
Honestly what I would do in your situation is go ahead and meet, but make a really conscious effort to keep the brakes on. Like practically locked brakes for a few months. Make sure this is more than just a physical infatuation (of hers as well as yours?) and see if you're really matched in terms of personality. It'll also give you more opportunity to see if she is changing, we're all in flux around that age of maturity. That would protect you both from getting hurt?
ReplyDon't really think anyone can make this desicion for you.
Yes she's legal but yes there is quite an age gap.
I got with my ex husband when I was 19, he was 31, we aren't together anymore but we're were for over 20 years but not happily. Do have a wonderful daughter so I don't regret it but when I look back I do feel like he took advantage, it wasn't a healthy relationship and he was my first proper boyfriend and as he was a lot older i do feel he had a certain amount of control over but that was our relationship, he wasn't a great guy so if you were to have a relationship with this young woman I am in no way saying that it will end up the same. I think it's something you'd need to talk about. Can't you be meet as friends first, you may get a completely different vibe off act other in person and realise you're best suited as friends and you'll have worried about this for no reason, you don't have to jump straight into dating as soon as you meet up do you?
ReplyShared interests are overrated. Shared values are what sustain a relationship, so if the age gap creates a huge mismatch in what you each want out of life, you might find that it doesn't work.
If you were the 18yo writing in, I would caution against meeting an older romantic interest who you met on Reddit...
But if she approached you and is pushing for it to be romantic, I think that shifts some of the power imbalance back to the centre.
I guess I'd still advise caution about meeting a sweet young thing who seems almost too good to be true...
What if you accept her invitation for lunch or dinner, and just follow standard IRL meeting with Internet People safety advice about keeping to a well-lit, busy public area?
A first date doesn't have to lead anywhere you'd feel uncomfortable going - it just allows you both to sniff each other out and see whether you're as compatible as you'd hoped.
Meeting her might lead to you falling deeply in love. Or you could come away from dinner thinking "she's nice, but I guess I'm not that into it".
You can't find out if it works IRL unless you meet IRL.
Replyyou should go and while there tell her
your age and let her decide
ReplyAn 18 year old and a 31 year old are in wildly different places mentally. In the next few years, she’s going to rapidly change as her frontal lobe develops. It might seem like a relationship would work out right now but you’ll watch it change as she gets older. Also you have to be ready for what may come in the next few years. She’s so young. Legally an adult yes, but mentally still childish. She still has a lot of “growing up” to do at 18. I’d suggest thinking about you at that age and evaluate that way. It’s a sticky situation for sure and she is legally an adult but please please please always keep in mind how young she is
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