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My child’s behavior is so out of control and it’s partly my fault. It’s very hard to find a child therapist where I live because it’s a specialization people don’t want to do and I know he may need to see a psychiatrist but his dad won’t agree to it because he swears he doesn’t see the same behaviors I do when he’s with him. The behaviors are so bad it makes me want to kill myself. I feel so guilty my child is hurting, I feel guilty that he is this way at all, I feel guilty that he felt so neglected to the point he’s become this way because I chose to have kids with an abusive piece of shot and wasn’t strong enough to leave sooner. And now I’m stuck in a shitty situation where I can’t even make a decision without their father agreeing so nothing ever gets done because he has to be in control all the time. I got out of a controlling abusive situation just to find myself still being controlled by my abuser. I’ve worked so hard and just graduated college and im moving on to university to make a better life for us while he doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t pay child support and I don’t want anything from him anyway. He collects disability after the doctors told him he could work if he would actually take care of himself but he won’t. I’m exhausted and I feel hopeless. I want to keep going but a part of me wants to quit and just die already. My son tells me he hates me all the time. He physically attacks me, he screams and says he’s scared of me because I have to hold him so he can’t hit, kick, bite or scratch me. He controls and consumes so much of my day and my life im just so tired and his behaviors are ruining the relationships he has with my family. He doesn’t act like this with his dad’s family. I feel like they have poisoned my kid’s minds with all kinds of bullshit about my family because his younger brother says he hates my mom too and won’t hug or kiss her and only acts nice when he wants something. I’m done. I want to just get into a bad car accident or something take me out. Sometimes I pray for death and feel guilty about it but I don’t know what to do anymore.
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I am so sorry that you have a child like this. A child who tells you he hates you. But he says this because he might. Instead of wanting to die and feeling guilty why don't you ask his dad to take him and try to cure his behaviour towards you instead of turning him against you. If his dad is already turning the child against you he (child) is very confused with being in your care and hearing negative things about you. If you can't get the dad out of his life it may be better for both you and the child if he lives with his dad and you have access if the child wants to be with you. I doubt you should worry that his dad will turn him against you altogether because he seems to have already done this anyway.
Before you hand him over ask the child why he hates you? If he won't tell you find someone you trust to talk to the child alone and try to find out why he says he hates you and what his dad says about you. Then decide what to do because this situation is detrimental for you and the child. If his dad won't have him or you really don't want him to have him look for a children's home where after he settles in you can visit him. You probably won't receive a warm welcome at first but after some time he might come round. And if he doesn't like it there tell him that if he is a nice good boy who doesn't tell you he hates you he will be able to come home. However, to do this you will have to be out from under his dad's control so don't allow him to control you any more. He doesn't have to be in control all the time especially if he isn't living with you. Stand up to him.
ReplyWe share 50/50 custody and I don’t know how to get out of it because I felt bullied into signing a stupid piece of paper we wrote saying we’d file for 50/50 custody when he kept threatening to take my kids away from me when I had nothing. I was in an abusive relationship and was backed into a corner. I was naive and dumb. From what I understand he tells his dad he hates him too and wants to go to my house when he doesn’t get his way but he isn’t physically violent with his dad because he is scared of him. Even though he has told me he is scared of me at times it doesn’t matter he still lashes out in violence against me and disrespects against me and my family. When I had full custody of my children I had no problems and behaviors were stable. Bedtimes we’re consistent, nutrition is healthier, my kids do better academically. Now my son has no interest in school and wants to be like his dad and do nothing with his life. He’s so young still, in grade school. It’s a really messy situation. My son has learned manipulation from his father and his father’s parents. They are extremely good at it whether they know they’re doing it or not. They gas light and manipulate constantly. When my son throws a tantrum and starts attacking me and I start recording and he realizes I’m recording then he immediately stops, calms down and starts saying he’s not doing anything and accuses me of being a liar. It’s scary, almost sociopathic.
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