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My ex got married, I had no idea he was thinking about this, I am hurt and depressed
3 months ago · · Breakup, · Explicit
So I was in a beautiful relationship for 6 years. We met in college and started off as friends and then started dating. We didn't even have to propose, it was just evident that we loved each other. He is a year older but was in my class when I was in second year. We have a huge group of common friends and often hung out together, participated in events together, did our assignments together. We had a lovely relationship and were also thinking about getting married. I was a studious person and always wanted to give my best, he, on the other hand, was not that interested in studies and struggled to keep up with things, I used to help him and support him.
Throughout those 6 years, we have been there for each other. We did a lot of things like surprising each other with gifts and desserts, he used to come all the way till my office just to meet me during the week. I supported him in every single decision, whether he left his job or didn't do well, I was always there.
Then later we decided to pursue higher studies in another country. He never had any plan of going abroad, but he did anyway. I also never wanted to settle down abroad. We were keen on giving one year to our careers. We both got admitted to different universities in different cities. So we were kind of going long distance. The course was very intense, plus other problems like toxic flat mates, shitty accommodation and then keep up with the course and finding jobs. In all this, he expected that I talk to him on the call, message him and go to his city to meet him. He came to my city many times, but I used to tell him to focus on his course rather than wasting time and spending money. I just wanted us to get good jobs and then settle down. But he was very adamant and we started having a lot of fights. It was as if he just didn't understand me anymore. I started getting frustrated. And in all this, there was another guy, my flat mate, who took advantage. He badly wanted me and he started creating misunderstandings amongst us. I was being so manipulated that I lost my power to sit back and think, and the other flat mates just added fuel to the fire. I told this guy I already have a boyfriend but he kept hitting on me. He used to check my phone and send messages to my boyfriend, and he even made me break up with him. I knew deep down this is all wrong. I don't know why I did not stand up for myself. That relationship was becoming toxic, but all we needed was a break. So I sent him a text explaining everything and that we should take a break to focus on our careers. I was really shattered after this, but I knew I had to do this for now. And my boyfriend was broken too. I don't know why I did this! I used to reply to his messages after that, but then this other guy started harassing me if I spoke to my boyfriend. He even twisted my hand once and made me block him from all media. I had to do it, because I was stuck! I couldn't move out from that place, as my course was going on. I couldn't even message my boyfriend, because that got me into trouble. I carried on with this for one year until my course got over and I got a job. All this while I kept waiting for my boyfriend to reach out in some way, I was waiting for him to get me out of this. But he never showed up. After one year, one day, I saw some messages on this other guy's phone, some love you miss you messages to another girl. I felt fooled and cheated! I immediately unblocked my boyfriend and this time I was determined to not give in to any of this other guy's drama, I was strong and I was determined to hit him back if he harassed me. The moment I messaged my boyfriend, I got a reply from him, I explained everything that had happened. I told him it wasn't me who was texting, the last message I sent him was just explaining why we need a break, and I did not even write the word "break up"! He told me, he had received some rude messages even after that. I was shocked and felt so bad after that. I understood, this other guy had been keeping me away from my boyfriend and harassing me when I tried to reach out to him. I was in deep shit.
I cried a lot that day and cried for the next few days, but I was determined to not let anybody interfere in my life again. I confronted this other guy, and he accepted that he sent messages from my phone. He apologized and said he would never do that again. I did not trust him and locked all my devices and I don't even share anything with him.
All this while, I was struggling to make things work in my career. I also had toxic people as flat mates and it took me a lot of courage to get out of that shit. I moved into an independent room after that. I started living independently. But I didn't keep things going with my boyfriend, I just feared I would be too attached again and what if I tried to focus on my job and didn't give him enough time. I was just studying and trying to fix my career, I wanted to get back to him after this was settled, I had a huge education loan after all! We cleared all the misunderstanding, and then we were kind of talking as friends. Then we went to our home country a year later. So many memories came back and I strongly started feeling for him. Turns out, I had never moved on, I still had feelings for him. And we met quite a few times at our regular places, I felt that he had feelings too and that we could get back together again. He even threw hints and kind of flirted with me. He said things like, that handshake was more than a handshake, I felt something when we met, etc. That gave me a lot of hope. But I didn't tell him what I felt and I didn't reciprocate to anything he said either. I was just fixing my career, I just wanted to give a few more months of trying. And he did tell me he wasn't thinking about getting married at least for one more year. So I felt like I had time. He was not going stay in our home country forever, but he came back. I was so happy he came back, but then in a month, he told me he was going back home again. I was shocked and sad at the same time! I asked him why was he going back, he just said its of no use. After he returned, a week after that I got to know that he was getting engaged! That was a shock of my life! What?!! How is this possible?! What about us?!! I felt so rejected and betrayed and it felt like my whole world came crashing down. I didn't know what to do, I cried till I choked. I was agitated! Why would he do that?!! So suddenly! I asked him, didn't anything he said mean anything? Why did he give me hopes, and he gave such a blunt reply, saying, I would never give you hopes after all that you did?! I was shocked! It was as if I didn't know him at all anymore! How is this possible! Like, a month ago, he said he felt for me and he also wanted to meet me again. And now he had suddenly moved on and in love with another woman?! I am totally broken! I was in denial, but within two months, he got married. I am feeling so lost and clueless now. I cry every single day and its hard for me to get over this. My life feels like a joke and I feel like all the effort I put in, all the crucial years of my life that I sacrificed had no meaning! I am unable to focus on anything. And he does not even reply anymore. Although, he said he was going to keep all our memories, pictures and my greeting cards with him, they are his memories and he wants to cherish them. This doesn't make sense to me! I was the one to support him throughout, I encouraged him to take up higher education and he did well too, but I was blamed for keeping him away from his family! I feel like a fool. I really loved him, I know I made mistakes and hurt him too, but I feel I deserved a chance, that relationship deserved a chance. How could he get married to someone else! This is so hard to accept. And that random girl, she probably likes him for what he is today, but I loved him when he was a total failure, how did she get it all and here I am, craving for his love and attention and left all alone! I feel this is unfair, and it shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't have done this at all. He just shouldn't have. I am lost and don't know what to do anymore. It feels like a lifelong scar.