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I feel hurt. The type of hurt you can feel all the way through your soul. I wish you could see how this entire situation has made me feel, how much of me it has broken, how messed up I am now.
I am so physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I could honestly just give up and the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times now in many different ways.
I feel like I'm constantly faking smiles and laughs, forcing myself to go out when I just want to curl up in a ball in bed and cry my heart out. I don't know what is keeping me going anymore, I either feel complete sadness or just numb and empty.
My sense of self worth doesn't seem to exist anymore and no matter how much I try to better myself I'm never happy...I lost weight and I still want to lose more, I changed my hair and I still don't feel pretty enough.
I don't think anybody cares about me anymore and I'm gradually starting to not care about anything anymore day by day.
I hate the situation I am in at the minute and actually feel so sad for myself because this is not what I wanted for myself in this stage of my life. Some parts are falling together finally and I can't even be happy for that because I'm just so sad and broken.
I used to want to fall asleep because my dreams were nicer than this reality but now I just get stuck in nightmares and wake up for them still to be happening.
I'm dying for the one person who says they love me to actually show me and tell me like they mean they do and actually make me believe it. Right now I just feel like nothing at all.
I don't feel like I can keep talking to my friends about how I feel because I've had enough of feeling like this so I'm sure they've had enough of hearing about it. And my feelings just feel invalid anyway or will "cause a problem" if I mention them. So here I am shutting up talking, writing on here most days as some sort of a cry for help or I guess I cry for comfort.
As always, LonelyGirl
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I feel for you LonelyGirl.
I wish there was something I could say that would make it all suddenly better but there isn't.
I too am struggling daily and don't talk to my friends as in their eyes I should be over this by now and moving on with my life, they're bored of it and I get that but I am not in a place yet where I can move forward whether that is a situation of my own making, I'm sure many would say it is.
I think some people bounce back faster than others, they have more inner strength and better resolve and then there others like you and I who cannot.
I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope that knowing you're not the only person struggling helps you feel less alone.
ReplyThank you and I can relate to everything you said. Its comforting to know I'm not on my own in feeling this way. I hope that your able to overcome how ypu are feeling too with time x
ReplyThanks, hopefully we'll both get there x
ReplyYour sense of self-worth has to exist outside of another human being.
ReplyI want you to write a list of all of the positives in your life.
Replyhonestly i really felt like you were me expressing my feelings your not alone and im sorry i felt every word of this
Replyeach and every single line, reminded me of how I use to be... I know its hard and trust me I know it, Wish I can be of somehelp
Reply