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Hi, Im _____
Let me Introduce myself with whats wrong with me.
I have major depressive disorder with a generalised anxiety disorder and atypical anorexia nervosa of restrictive type. Mouthful isnt it? its been 6 years as this pile has kept growing slowly, We started with minor depressive disorder, then generalised anxiety, progressed to anorexia and then now major depressive disorder. Its been years and still Im here struggling. And I wish I knew how to make this better, Ive tried counselling and seeing a psychiatrist. He gave me an option of medication but I didnt want to, I thought I could counsel my way back, But im more lost than ever and honestly? Im scared of taking the pills, what if im not me anymore, there are still days where I am me. Where I magically have the energy even if its for a few hours to be happy. But what if thats all I can have? those tiny moments.What if it isnt enough to build me even a small shade....Im tired to be very honest and ending it seems like a choice but reminding myself everyday it isnt is the only thing keeping me alive now... I just want to rest
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Medication may make you not you for a time but the point of the medication is that it makes you better with time, so potentially you could have months of a drug induced not you but that could potentially lead to you happy and healthy and weaned off the medication.
You without medication(and I'm not pushing you to medicate, you've already said you've tried counseling) could end up gradually becoming worse and worse(you've already stated that things have progressed quite dramatically over 6 years) to longer existing whether it be at your own hand or because your condition affects your health do those very brief moments you experience at the moment would cease to happen anyway so why not give medication a try?
ReplyHonestly, my medication is what stopped my spiral and it was my last hope. I told my counselor, psychiatrist, and family that if I can't find the right anti-depressant then don't try to save me. I've been in the spiral you are in and can say it might take a couple of tries with the medication before you find the right one for you, but its so much better. rather than having a couple of good moments, you are able to have good days. and trust me those are way nicer than just fleeting moments.
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