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I feel like I am the back burner for everyone in my family. I'm a Mom and a wife. There are 7 of us in our house. My husband had 3 kids before we were married and we have 3 together. My step kids are just as much my kids as my biological kids. My husband can't work right now due to health issues so I am working 60 hours a week between 2 jobs. One of our kids has a job, he's 20, he does not help pay any bills but does sometimes help buy food. When I come home from work I say hi to my husband and kiss him then say hi to all the kids. My husband usually is playing video games or watching movies with our daughter. The two of them take up as much space as possible on our two sofas and don't bother asking if I would like to join them. I sit in my office chair and watch from the other room. Everytime I walk by my husband I say I love you and give him a kiss. When he walks by me it's as if I don't exist. My kids hardly notice me or talk to me unless they want something, especially my daughter who is 17. My husband and I have been married 16 years. Sometimes when I talk about things just trying to have a conversation, no one hears me. I feel invisible and like maybe I'm just an annoyance for my family. My husband says he loves me and he wouldn't be here if he didn't, but I don't feel like he loves me. He doesn't ever text me first, it's always me who texts him then he responds. When I tell them not to spend money because what we have is for bills, the first thing they do is spend money. My husband called me a financial abuser because I asked him not to spend money. He also called me a narcissist last time I opened up and tried to tell him my feelings. If I show any type of bad feelings then he gets upset and I'm the bad guy for getting frustrated, mad, irritated or whatever. I always listen to him when he's having a hard time and try to help him through it. Today we went on a date on a credit card (I know it's bad) and he spent the whole time arguing with our daughter through texts. Our kids went out for a while so when we went home it was just us. He said to me earlier he wanted to spend time with me, but as soon as we got home he went to sleep, it's been 4 hours and he's still asleep. Wouldn't this be the best time to spend time together cus the kids are gone? I feel like I'm always left alone, and on the back burner. No one considers me or how I feel in any situation. This is a rare day off for me and no one wants to spend time with me. I am alone. I have tried not paying as much attention to my husband because I thought I was annoying him, and he didn't even seem to notice. I have tried leaving my kids alone and waiting for them to talk to me first, but then they just don't talk to me. I have to be the one to instigate any conversation with my kids or husband if. I don't want to feel like a ghost watching them from afar.
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If you are working 60 hours my guess is you don’t see much of your kids or husband and when you do you are tired? If you and your family are away from each other and your husband spends much more time with the kids it’s bound to drive a wedge between you without a huge conscious effort from both you and your husband to communicate, plan time together etc, plan things with the kids. I’m not saying it’s fair, I truly feel your pain, you are busting your gut for your family yet you feel on the outside. There is no easy solution for this, but you can make changes so that you feel more valued and respected. Express how you feel to your husband. Tell him you would like to organise time together that is not interrupted. Tell him that you feel not included in the kids lives and work out ways so they gradually have more time with you.
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