Janus

We are all two-faced,

And I am no exception.

Listen closely and you will be able to hear.

What you see with me is always true.

What you see is tailor-made just for you.

I am like this so the weight on my shoulders is easier to bear.

There has to be someone else who can relate.

It is almost like living with separate entities.

Different people with clear identities.

Dive into the abyss that is my mind,

Peer into its depths and it will respond in kind.

So you have taken the plunge,

You have looked into my eyes and peered into my soul.

Observe and don’t judge,

See for yourself the secrets I withhold.

See for yourself my need for control.

This part of me thrives on structure.

He feeds on logic and planning things out,

But his mind is clouded and filled with doubt.

Still, he strives for perfection.

He strives to be true in a world of deception.

He seems strong but in reality, he hangs by a thread.

A singular string holds his life together,

But he still strives to be better.

He makes decisions to get himself ahead,

But it never feels like enough.

Even with all of his accomplishments, his life feels hollow.

For him, that is a hard pill to swallow.

Some days are tough for him because he knows how much effort he puts in.

All that effort, for little to no reward.

Honestly, how he keeps going is beyond me.

Day after wretched day he wakes up and puts his best forward.

Praying for a future that he can continue walking toward.

That’s just his life and he has accepted it.

Walk on and see what else I have to offer.

Beware of the one who is chained.

He is clever and willing to wait,

But like his counterpart, he is weak and drained.

Careful that you don’t find yourself taking the bait.

This part of me is full of pride.

The burden that he carries seems to weigh a ton,

But he is unwilling to share even a pound of it with you.

He needs no structure and takes life in stride.

Make no mistake, of the two personalities he is the dangerous one.

The way he sees the world is unique.

He dares to pull on the fabric of reality and take a peek.

He longs to walk the line of darkness and light.

He wants to see the world and all of its sights.

The beautiful chaos of this world.

He wants to see conflict,

Fist flying and insults hurled.

He wants to see nature,

Beautiful trees growing old and gnarled.

He wants to experience life as it comes,

But instead, he is the one chained and locked away.

He is locked in what amounts to a crypt.

The free spirit that he was has been reduced to a mere shadow.

You have walked the recesses of my mind,

Do you like what you see?

Which person would you choose to be?

What face would you choose to show?

Someone who appears to be in control?

Or someone who the world has laid low?

Now, you see the divide that resides in my soul.

You see the choice that I make every day.

I choose to hide from my thoughts and hope for a future.

I am holding on by a thread and I use that thread to make a suture.

I use that thread to hold together my very being.

I can only hope that I am making the correct choices.

Hopefully, I am doing right by listening to these voices.