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The older I get, the more I begin to realize that my life is my own.
It's not my parents, my siblings, the strangers on my social media pages.... it is my own.
Growing up, I was taught to make my own decisions as long as it didn't affect decisions that others have already made for me. They wonder why I am still stuck in the same place I was in 3 years ago but fail to realize that the reason is simple: I am living unhappily so that they are happy. Everything I try to do on my own feels wrong. It feels like a mistake, so I am constantly looking for validation within others to tell me I am making the right decision. I am constantly questioning myself because I feel as if I don't know myself enough to decide what's good for me.
I spent my whole life planning according to what my parents wanted and how it would look to others, that I never stopped to ask myself what it is that I want in life. What makes me feel happy.
Being 23, many tell me I have a whole life ahead of me and that it's not too late to start new. I understand that I am not old but the feeling that I am running behind from everyone else I grew up with and running out of time still lingers.
Today, I felt it was time to actually just stop and breathe. Making a change for myself by myself is going to be hard but I am tired of feeling unhappy and stuck. I am tired of thinking that death is the only way out. I don't want to die but the idea of never making it anywhere in life becomes so unbearable sometimes that it feels like the only way out. I want to exceed all expectations placed on me but on my own terms. I want to feel good about the decisions I make alone and learn along the way. I just want to finally feel at peace with myself.
I feel many of us feel this way every day or sometimes just once every while.
I am not one to give advice but maybe we can work through whatever we are going through together, to hopefully get us out this hole. I pray and manifest that whoever comes across this post and feels the same way I feel, will endure a life full of happiness and peace. I hope you will soon learn and understand that you are enough as you are and there is someone out here who is proud of you for just trying. Success doesn't come right away. Neither does happiness.
Let's work together to a better life.
<3
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