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i feel like i'm behind everyone. i'm a 16 year old girl whos never dated anyone, or even been in a "talking stage". i know i've always been a little distant and i have my walls up n shit, but am i really that unlovable? like, what's wrong with me?
but then every time anyone shows interest, i get scared and push away. is the commitment too much, or is it the idea of being that close with another person? i love the idea of being in a relationship, i daydream about it constantly. but anytime something close to flirting happens i freeze. i laugh it off, roll my eyes, they have to be joking right? cause no one could ever actually have a crush on ME of all people lol. it's self sabotage almost.
i just want to experiance young stupid high school love. i'm pan, why tf is it so hard to find someone ðŸ˜ðŸ˜??? but no, i feel like i'm missing out idk
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I was that way in hs too. Always read about romance and wanted true love, but had high standards and my hs wasn’t that big so the options of good people to date were limited and I didn’t want to settle. Then senior year I got impatient because I wanted to know love, so I flirted with a guy. And it never made it out of the talking phase and caused me a lot of heart ache in the process. It was so needless. I wish I hadn’t done that just because I was impatient for love.
The next year I fell in love and haven't looked back. I’m happily dating a wonderful guy who is everything I’ve always hoped for. I finally have gotten to experience the romance in stories. And it’s worth waiting and holding out for. Trust me. High school can be a great place to meet people, but it’s my experience that most people need to focus on themselves in hs and early college. Let yourself simply enjoy being you and always keep your heart open to love.
I had my walls up like you too. It took months of talking to finally open my heart to him, and he was so patient. He didn’t mind going slow and that’s exactly what I needed. You just need to go slow and really get to know someone before you can let down your walls and love them fully. I hate being patient, but I’m so thankful that I was. I have the relationship I always dreamed about, full of love and pain that makes it perfectly imperfect.
Don’t settle for anyone less than what you know you need while also allowing for faults and mistakes as we are all only human. You’ll find someone and they will be worth waiting for.
ReplyBots your age are very childish and are after sex so wait until you leave school and have a job before dating. Find a sensible guy who has a job as well and has his priorities right.
ReplyOh deer. My first relationship started 7 months ago, and I'm 24.
I had always been extremely closed, tense, never trusted anyone... And didn't even want to date at all!! Then it just happened.
I was very secretive and kept it to myself, but lately I've been learning to let people (including my partner) in. Idk if it happens at all but, yeah, my point is... If I got a date, anyone can lol
ReplyI’m 22 and never dated or done any romantic etc stuff.
I still often feel the same way as you, freezing when someone shows interest, and have spent a long time figuring out the different contributing factors - I’ll list them, in case that’s any help for you?
One is that I may be ace or demi-ace - I never fantasise about real people, and when I like someone it’s more based around wanting to make them laugh. Fantasies are often very different from real life desires.
Second, I was bullied at school and it severely damaged my confidence. I’m definitely on the way to self-love etc now, but there’s still some stubborn internalised shame that I need to work on.
Third, I’ve had some bad experiences that I had to fight my way out of, so from that perspective it makes sense that touch etc would activate my fight-or-flight.
You’re not unloveable.
You’re not running out of time.
16 is so young, there’s really no rush. Also, dating at school isn’t like books or movies. Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t because everyone that dated…it got messy. None of them stayed together.
I know people in their 30s who don’t have or want relationships. We go out and wear eco-glitter and have fun, looking great but not trying to attract anyone, like a work of art you can’t touch. You have a bright future ahead, even if you decide that dating isn’t for you.
Give yourself time, care and patience. If you can start building self-love habits now, your future self will thank you.
ReplySeveral of my friends are 22 and have never had a relationship. Don’t worry, you’re not missing much. I’ve had two and they were wonderful but I understand it is highly unusual that both went well for me. You’re not unlovable, but take a good hard look at your attachment style and if romance is even what you want. Like the real nitty gritty of being in a relationship, are you wanting to commit to that and following that into a partnership with the other person? It does sound like self sabotage. As a bi person I definitely feel you about that last bit, but if it’s what you want, you could try out dating casually! Someone once told me that the first significant other is about teaching you how to work in a relationship and it was true for me. Never let anyone pressure you into anything you’re uncomfortable with, you’ll be fine
ReplyYou're not girl, you're not missing out. I'm 16 too, and I've never dated either, and I don't plan to until I'm 24 (academic ambitions and whatnot).
ReplyLet me add to the other people here who have already shared similar stories: my past 16-year-old self would relate a lot to what you wrote! I also used to daydream of romance all the time, used to believe that my life would be soooo much happier and sparklier and more interesting if I had some young stupid high school love going on. But then again, I was terribly shy and awkward (even more so once I caught interest in somebody), pushing away people around me, so it never happened.
One time during my junior year a guy straight-out confessed to me that he had a crush on me, and we went on a "date". I kept both of my hands burried in my pockets THE ENTIRE TIME because the thought that he could try to hold them made me just too nervous! After that, I told him over text that I couldn't be that kind of person for him and never dared to talk to him again. So... I was THAT level of unapproachable. Even though I was soooo curious about this whole romance thing in theory! And everybody else seemed to be experiencing it already, so why couldn't I?!
Anyway, fast forward to the present: I'm 21 now, and I've been in a wonderful, loving and cute relationship for the past two years. I went on my first ever genuine date-date with my now-boyfriend when I was 19. And with him, everything just genuinely felt... okay. It was okay to be nervous, it was okay that I had walls around me. It all just somehow worked out. So... my advice to you is, don't worry about it. I know it's not really much of a comfort to hear this, but... the right person will come for you some day, and once they are in your life, everything will fall into place. Trust me, and my fellow commentors on this one. It's all going to work out just fine eventually, even though you might have to wait a couple years longer. And you'll be happy that things worked out just the way they did.
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