What are you looking for?
2 months ago · · sleep,
You have me ensnared in your trap,
Drowning my sorrows in your warmth night after night.
No matter how hard I try to escape,
You continue to make me need you, want you, crave you.
And so, I give in, letting you erase the pain I feel for those few hours.
I manage to escape you but when I finally succeed,
When I finally start to think ‘I can do this. You don’t own me’,
I am reminded of why I was trapped so willingly,
And then I’m right back where I started
Under your control.
Many, including myself, argue that you are a gift,
You are peaceful and good,
A natural gift from God…but that’s not entirely true, is it?
There is a hidden side of you that you don’t show to the world,
The side that makes me sleep all day and eat all night,
Unable to sleep by myself anymore because you make me rely on you.
Make me rely on your warmth and your comfort,
Your happiness and your clever way of making me tune out the world.
See you may help people, but you are just as damaging,
Yet I stay with you,
Unwilling to let go of your comfort.
Remaining under your control.
From blades and fire to alcohol and starvation,
You come in so many forms, its sometimes impossible to recognize you.
You have done the most harm to me,
Yet I stay with you.
Out of all my habits, you are the most dangerous.
When you give me the blade or fire, you convince me its artwork on my skin,
When you pour the alcohol down my throat, you say I’m living life,
And when you suppress my appetite, you manage to convince me this is what I need to do.
This is what will make me feel better.
In the end, you always win.
I always believe you.
I stay under your control
No one ever suspects you to be a bad habit
People will say ‘you need sleep, it’s good for you’,
And they are right…until they’re not.
You are a victim as much as I in a sense,
I abuse and use you for the sole purpose of making myself feel better.
And it works.
I use you to escape reality for longer than you are supposed to stick around for,
Slowly increasing how long I let you keep me in your clutch.
You allow me to escape the emptiness I feel,
Allow me to create my own reality inside my head,
Ultimately making me need you more than any drug,
I try not to take more than my necessary time with you,
But I am selfish.
The comfort you provide Is something I am not willing to give up,
I am under your control.