Goldfish crackers!!

Goldfish crackers may look like goldfish, but they’re not actually goldfish. Just like Peeps marshmallows may look like baby chickens, but they’re not actually chickens. Real goldfish can swim in water and we keep them as pets. But goldfish crackers should not be dunked in water. They will dissolve almost instantly. Keeping one as a pet would likely get you sent to a mental hospital.

Being shaped like a goldfish (and edible, probably like a goldfish) does not make a goldfish cracker a goldfish. I just wish the Catholic Church realised this.