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Why am i still so sad?
1 year ago · · Depression, · Explicit
I recently left my toxic and abusive relationship. Took my daughter and me up north back where I was born. Now I'm no longer with him (My ex), nor do I have to be surrounded by his equally toxic family. I have my family around ne once again after over a year of not seeing them some almost 2 years now. I have to literally start over again. Only took mine and daughters clothes with us. Plus a few other things. I have full legal rights to my daughter in my brith state. Thanks to not getting married; thank God he had commit issues. But still fond myself crying when noones around, and trying not to literally breakdown knowing I spent 3 years of my life loving someone who only wanted whatever he could squeeze out of me. My car, money, home, body, even my heart. He knew I would stay true yet he.... did not. I was told he was not someone to change his ways. But I was blind, and crazy with love for him. Even tho he would tell me I was worthless, and so many other things that were not true about me but he made me feel like I was that. Am I still being manipulated by my oadr even tho he's no longer physically there to say thise things to scream it into my mind so no many how much I want to just claw it out of my fucking brain I just can't? Hearing his name or even seeing a picture of his face makes me wanna cry. I sould be happy now that I'm free right? I no longer have to cry at noght after a big fight or him taking off into the night with my car? I don't have to worry if he's out cheating on me or doing drugs. Or getting drunk. I'm free right? I'm safe and surrounded my people who care about my well being, right? Why do I still feel like I'm slowly drowning again like before?