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I recently left my toxic and abusive relationship. Took my daughter and me up north back where I was born. Now I'm no longer with him (My ex), nor do I have to be surrounded by his equally toxic family. I have my family around ne once again after over a year of not seeing them some almost 2 years now. I have to literally start over again. Only took mine and daughters clothes with us. Plus a few other things. I have full legal rights to my daughter in my brith state. Thanks to not getting married; thank God he had commit issues. But still fond myself crying when noones around, and trying not to literally breakdown knowing I spent 3 years of my life loving someone who only wanted whatever he could squeeze out of me. My car, money, home, body, even my heart. He knew I would stay true yet he.... did not. I was told he was not someone to change his ways. But I was blind, and crazy with love for him. Even tho he would tell me I was worthless, and so many other things that were not true about me but he made me feel like I was that. Am I still being manipulated by my oadr even tho he's no longer physically there to say thise things to scream it into my mind so no many how much I want to just claw it out of my fucking brain I just can't? Hearing his name or even seeing a picture of his face makes me wanna cry. I sould be happy now that I'm free right? I no longer have to cry at noght after a big fight or him taking off into the night with my car? I don't have to worry if he's out cheating on me or doing drugs. Or getting drunk. I'm free right? I'm safe and surrounded my people who care about my well being, right? Why do I still feel like I'm slowly drowning again like before?
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When you are in a toxic relationships, you have a hormone addiction. Constant stress causes the rise of different hormone levels. When you left your ex you still require that high hormone level. It's the same with other addictions. That's why many people go back to their toxic relationships. With intensive psychotherapy it takes minimum 6 months to recover.
ReplyThis relationship has had a terrible tole on you so please see a therapist for help.
ReplyThoughts, even memories like you just shared, come and go. All thoughts need the energy that you willingly or unconsciously provide to persist. This is true for the good, bad, wanted, unwanted, helpful, and the harmful thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Their arrival does not automatically make them meaningful. You do that with your attention, the added story, and / or emotional reaction.
Some thoughts leave almost as fast as they show up and without much notice because you offered them nothing. Its as if they were presented in a language you don't understand. You are not your thoughts but you are the one who can and should determine which ones are worthy of further consideration and maybe initiating your actions.
Life happens and none of us have the type of control we would like to have. Our super powers reside in our ability to go with the flow (not resist what is), learn what we can, and do helpful things for ourselves and others along the way.
You are on a journey and are exactly where you need to be , have to be. It gets better from this spot and the best change available to you is from within, from your point of view.
For starters, stop telling yourself that you are sad even if you are. Decide now which thoughts (including some memories) are useful and helpful. When they show up, get excited, add the story, use your imagination, do something useful. Give these thoughts the energy they deserve. The unwanted memories and thoughts will still show up and when they do, let them be there. Don't react or try to push them away. They will soon be replaced with another, perhaps, unwanted thought. If so, repeat the process or providing nothing (no energy) until they dissolve back into the nothingness from which they came.
You really don't have a life to live as you choose. LIFE has you. You are what LIFE is doing where you are right now. When you give up on this false sense of control, LIFE can more easily use you to bring more light and love into this world.
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