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The other day I found out you got a divorce. I was hoping to see you happily married forever and I would have been so happy with that. The last time you talked to me your wife was pregnant, your dad was ill and you reached out to me because you didn't know how to process it, so I told you that I can't be that person for you anymore and that you should rely on your wife for those moments. From then I deleted your number and didn't talk to you again, until the other day.
I was curious and looked into you and turns out I still had your number memorized in the back of my head. It was meant to be an innocent reach out I just wanted to give you some hope for life. I know you never wanted to get divorced. You actually said you didn't want to get married because you don't want to risk getting a divorce. I forgot how mentally healthy you were, a weed addict at the time maybe, but you were so respectful and noticed everything about me without me having to tell you. I think about the night when you organized the beer pong cups for me because you knew I was secretly a perfectionist. The morning where you allowed your hand to get hit by the corner of the counter because you didn't want to mess up the moment of dipping me while we were dancing in the kitchen. And then the other day mentioning how the way I talk has a familiar uniqueness and how you remembered my likeness for wordplay. It breaks my heart knowing how much you knew me without me telling you.
Red by Taylor Swift plays in the back of my head replaying all the pictures we took, remembering how I cried for a month after our breakup. How I possibly owe you my life for protecting me from my abusive ex. I was too stupid then to not fight for us. Too stupid to not realize how healthy we were and too stupid to want a lavish life and think that it would make me happy. It's too late for me now to have all these emotions come up. But I feel like crying because my husband just came home with no connection, got upset at me over a purchase for our son and how I need to ask him for permission to buy things. It'll always be about money for him regardless of how much we might have and it'll always be about connection and affection for me. This is the life I chose I guess.
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