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Why do I have to keep suffering? Why is it just me? Why am I okay one minute, but the next feels like a bullet is flying right through me? How is any of this fair? My life does not compare... I am probably sure with all this pain, I won't make it to 30. I want the pain to end. I want it to stop. I don't look to drugs or alcohol because I don't like the feeling it leaves me with. Pathetic right? It'd probably be so much easier if I looked for an escape to get my mind off the pain...Go to drugs and alcohol instead of thinking of putting a bullet in my brain... taking pills to numb the pain. What about jumping off a bridge to get that thrill... Why am I even suffering? Why do I constantly put myself in this situation? Why don't I just end it all? Am I selfless? Do I think of others? Why can't I build up the courage to stop the torture going through my lungs... A stabbing pain. They say once you end the pain, all it does is jump to the next person. What is this shit? A curse? A punishment? All of this is just bullshit! It's not fair/ Why the fuck would I want someone to feel like this? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of feeling the world collapse onto me. I'm not as strong as people think I am. I'm so close to giving up and letting it all end. I don't want to keep feeling this. It's too much one person can handle. Just let them know that I fought as hard as I can. And I stood as tall as I could. Let them know I'm a fighter. Let them know my loss wasn't in vain. Let them know I'm sorry and I love them. Let them know, no matter how hard it gets to go to someone and ask for help so you wont have to do it alone like I did. Just know I'll finally be free of the agony and a smile will be on my face as I take my last breath. Its okay! I'm free.
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Maybe you constantly put yourself into this situation because you want to be a victim. Please see a therapist.
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