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Ok, so let's start by saying that since January of this year (or maybe before), I've had this huge "obsession" with this boy (I'm gay lol), who I honestly didn't talk to, but throughout the year, we started talking, specially in May (this will be important later). From the beginning, i knew he wouldn't like me back, but still I couldn't stop thinking about him, so i tried to get closer to him and maybe get a chance? So I thought we were friends then, since he told me some issues he had, and we kind of shared traumas, but everytime we talked to each other irl, things were really uncomfortable, because i didn't know how to talk to him, and he didn't try either. So i just ended up thinking that he didn't wnat me as i friend, and was only talking with me and hanging out with me because he pitied me.
Fast-forward to yesterday when I was drunk for the first time in my life (was great, but bad timing), and we were drinking at his place with two more friends, and one of them turned out to be his girlfriend and the had been dating for a couple weeks (he was the one who declared his feelings), and so a couple times i was alone with her i told her how mad i was, but not really mad, just jealous, because she knew i had a crush on him, but it was all good between us. The problem comes when he came back and happened to hear us talking, and he proceeded to say, "don't worry, I know everything since may, and i got all of your signals". I WAS SHOCKED. First, i thought it was this girl who told him, but no, he realized on his own and had been almost 3 months knowing it, making things between us unconfortable, and without saying a word. And later on when it was just the two of us i told him everything, we hugged, all good. Also, at that time, (because of how drunk i was, my brain blocked all those nights i spent wondering what was wrong with me, why he didn't even talk to me when he said himself he appreciated our friendship), all i said to him was thanks for not telling me you didn't like me to avoid harming me.
Ok, so that's the facts, but today, once sober i started thinking about all of this, and i feel like shit tbh. Because when he started trusting me and shit was in may, and he gained my trust, in part because of my feelings, but i feel used, i feel like he has been taking advantage of my feelings to gain my trust. Because he says he values our friendship and shit, but once he knew about my feelings he had the audacity to give me love advice and told me to come clean with whoever i was in love with, that it wouldn't be so bad. So if he has known all along, i feel like he has been giving me false hope of some sort, because he didn't have the courage to tell me anything, and allowed me to keep falling for him. And rn i knwo he has a gf, i know he doesn't like me, i feel like shit, and i can't get him out of my head, because of all the things i need to ask him (like why) and because I seem unable to get rid of my feelings for him. And also, i said obsession in the beginning because i had never cared for someone to the point of letting my heart be shattered, literally when i broke with my ex i felt nothing, because i hadn't been in love with him, but rn i have discovered it was not an obsession, i had feelings for him.
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He gave you love advice, possibly in the hope that you would state your feelings, and then he could definitively say whether or not he wanted to be your boyfriend, rather than having to keep awkwardly pretending not to notice your obvious (to him) pining and yearning.
He didn't take advantage of you, he tried to be gracious and offer you a way out of your lovesickness.
It sounds like he still likes you and wants to be your friend, so if he's straight, and you can accept that and move on, I really think you should value his friendship as much as he values yours.
It sounds like you're all good still.
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