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Put a finger down if you were covertly sexually abused by your mom your entire childhood, and were threatned to not tell anyone or she’ll call child-services, so you would avoid your dad at all costs because even at as young as 4 years old she claimed you had a sexual relationship with him and yet your dad refused to divorce her even though she verbally abused him too. She’d occasionally do vaginal checks to make sure you were a virgin and would send you to a doctor to prove suspicions that non of the doctors entertained. You tried telling therapists but because you mom paid for most of them they didnt take you seriously and you start to wonder if you’re just sensitive. You act out at school and no one questions your parents, and at around age 12/13 your mom forces you to sleep next to her on the same bed every night until she divorced your dad and ur brother moved out of his room.
Put a finger down if you’ve ever had fantasized of suicide from as little at 4 years old and you are surprised you lived as long as you have.
Put a finger down if your mom is mentally ill and screams at you all the time and dispite all the abuse that your family members are VERY aware of, they blame YOU for your mothers actions and for a divorce that my father never wanted. You also had to baby your mother many times and be there for her since she couldnt speak english.
Put a finger down if your family bullied you more than people at school: beat up by your brother for “not listening to mom,” told by your oldest brother that youre a fat pig and that you should kill myself (multiple, MULTIPLE times), and by your mother that you are a dirty slut and a bitch. All within elementary school. Most of it stopped at around age 10 as if they were hoping you wouldn't remember. Even after then they still very much treat you as a waste of space and resources.
Put a finger down if you had to miss a ton of school because your brothers had surgeries to make them taller and your mom would not let youstay with your dad so she dragged you to different states and even a different country, wherever the procedure would be done we were there. Your mom has depression so it ended up that you took care of your brothers more than she did.
Put a finger down if you've forgiven your mom a million times but your brother wonders "why don't you like us? And why won't you tell us where you're going to college?" “You need to pray more and learn for forgive mom”
Put a finger down if at 18 you were desperately looking for a parental figure and ended up flirting with 20,30,40,50,even 60 year old men in hopes that youd find someone to care about you And sheild you from the fear of impending college debt that you will have to pay on your own, with no help. You end up discovering little space (pretending to be a child)
where said older men manipulate what should be a safe space.
Put a finger down if you went to an out of state school to run away from your family and left after one semester because it was way too expensive and your mom claimed that you were pretending to not be able to afford the school to spite her, even though just the thought of going home made you want to kill yourself before “things get bad again” Your family threatens you with homelessness and you have nowhere to go. You come back anyway and they pretend like everything is all dandy, and that they would never let you be homeless. They act in a way that makes you feel crazy for ever thinking they were hurting you before. You end up taking a semester off and feeling like a huge failure. Only when you leave does your brother claims to recognize the abuse You went through, as if banter about stolen items and career choice could hold a candle to your horrifying experiences. He claims your childhood was good and that "we had good times” to which you want to reply with “No, YOU had good times, I dont see YOU age regressing as a coping mechanism”
Put a finger down if your brother seems to be the only person in the immediate family who remotely cares about you, but tells you that he will stop supporting you if you “turn gay.” You happen to be bi. If he finds out, no one will ever be there for you because your family is homophobic. You would actually be homeless.
Put a finger down if no one understands your pain. Your friends always disappoint you. They don't seem to care about you as much as you care about them, and They always say that they're there for you but you know that you are truly alone. You recognize that no one will ever truly love you. However sometimes the pain of being alone is too much to bare so you befriend a voice in your head that acts as a caregiver and takes over your body from time to time, that caregiver loves you more than anyone else in your life ever will. You have every right to hurt yourself or even kill yourself, but you dont because caregiver doesnt want you to.
Put a finger down if you have starved for days on end even with 10 hr shifts, and it got so bad that the caregiver in your head has to cook for you, even though s/he/they claim they don't mind it at all.
Put a finger down if you have an irrational fear of loans to the point that if you see a notification concerning your student loans, you get a panic attack.
Put a finger down if you've only ever had one good therapist in your life and they aren't able to practice where u live.
Put a finger down if you have urges to hurt yourself to the point where you have to hide any drugs or sharp objects and you call your cousin who convinced you not to for one night. Or if a therapist has threatened to call the police. bu
you try to fight now though it because caregiver would be sad, and you don't want that.
Put a finger down if you get into little space when your scared and imagine yourself with the caregiver in your head taking care of you in ways no one else has. They somehow convince you that you are worthy or love, respect, and better friends.
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This reminded me of my terrible childhood. You really need to see another therapist for the help you need to get over all of this. I am sorry that you, me, and others had to suffer at the hands of one or both parents and/or family members. No one should have to go through all this. You are or will be self nurturing and have no problems as an adult. Good luck with the future.
ReplyI didnt expect someone to actually put a finger down for some reason, im wishing you the best too stranger!
Reply